Falling apart
Realising that you're falling apart is hard. Especially when you tried so hard.
That monster just keeps coming out and every time it becomes more difficult to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
No, you actually don't say goodbye. You think you do or did but you didn't and never will. It will always be there, cause' it's you. You are your own monster and there's nothing that can change that.
Maybe you can hide it for now, but sooner or later that monster will come out. And when it does it will hurt you just like it hurts me everyday.
I'm not even trying anymore. Maybe because I just don't want to try. Not even for everyone that loves me... It helps me, sometimes. Maybe I even need the monster in me. That monster I should hide, so people who care about me won't get hurt the way I hurt myself.
It's not that I really necessary need the monster to hurt me. It's a punishment. I have to get my punishment when I've done wrong things.
Every wrong thing I did or said are going to be my painful 'stripes'. I have to keep doing this so I won't be that mean to people anymore.
Not that I'm THAT mean... But I could be so much nicer...
Maybe I should add some more stripes for saying something when I had to shut my mouth.
Ok, another punishment.
Monster, bring it on. I'm saying goodbye for now but I'll probably see you tomorrow...and the day after tomorrow...
That monster just keeps coming out and every time it becomes more difficult to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
No, you actually don't say goodbye. You think you do or did but you didn't and never will. It will always be there, cause' it's you. You are your own monster and there's nothing that can change that.
Maybe you can hide it for now, but sooner or later that monster will come out. And when it does it will hurt you just like it hurts me everyday.
I'm not even trying anymore. Maybe because I just don't want to try. Not even for everyone that loves me... It helps me, sometimes. Maybe I even need the monster in me. That monster I should hide, so people who care about me won't get hurt the way I hurt myself.
It's not that I really necessary need the monster to hurt me. It's a punishment. I have to get my punishment when I've done wrong things.
Every wrong thing I did or said are going to be my painful 'stripes'. I have to keep doing this so I won't be that mean to people anymore.
Not that I'm THAT mean... But I could be so much nicer...
Maybe I should add some more stripes for saying something when I had to shut my mouth.
Ok, another punishment.
Monster, bring it on. I'm saying goodbye for now but I'll probably see you tomorrow...and the day after tomorrow...
25 mrt 2014
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