Grappige Tweets IV

Trying to switch tabs quickly before someone sees your screen... ends up in a more embarassing website.

You assume I give a damn, that's cute.

Had gedacht dat Griekenland meer zijn best ging doen tijdens de Olympische Spelen. Zij vonden ze uit en ze kunnen het goud gebruiken.

Adele: "I set fire to the rain!" Spongebob: "Bitch, please. I make campfires underwater."

Sleep + social life = Bad grades. Good grades + sleep = No social life. Good grades + social life = No sleep.

Fuck soccer. If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 mins I’d take my friends to the bar.

If twin females marry twin males, and they each have a child, will both children look alike?

Vegetarians, if you love animals so much, why do you eat all of their food?

Put a bumper sticker on your car that says "Honk if you have a small penis!" and then intentionally cut people off in traffic.

What's the difference between a knife and a womens argument? ... A knife has a point.

My wife and I could argue until the cows come home, mostly about how I managed to lose our cows.