Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.

Being as this is my first entry to this, I feel I should introduce myself, but being as I'm going to make this all public, I will not be giving my real name, instead I'll go by the alias of Ven, why Ven? Because it sounds like a good and unique name to me, first thing to know about me people who may be reading this, the first thing you should understand about me is that I don't usually have a complex reason for doing some things in which I should have one, although, I'll have a complex reason for doing petty things, the second thing to know about me is that I ramble. I'm female, except I'm not physically female, I'm transgender, and I haven't begun transitioning yet, ill talk about this in a later entry. Also, whoever thinks Ven cant be used as a female name can stop reading this, because you're just another conformist. Also I'm 15, that probably has some significance, being as 15 year olds are always the most dramatic and cretinous of the age groups, besides 12 year olds. Anyway, as for the actual entry, today, I actually don't remember what happened today, I went to school, tried to not be fake but ended up being just that anyway, in my school I have a sort of, err, "reputation", I'm seen as this shallow, scummy, immature jerk whom deserves no respect, how this started was because I originally had no friends a few years ago, so I did whatever I could to get into a clich (that's not how you spell it) and I at one point worked to get in with the kind of kids that are usually seen as stupid and immature, the ones who fuck with teachers and other students and even each other, and it worded, I regret it all. Now, in 9th grade, I realize just how stupid I act so I can be one of them, how my own image is destroyed by what I do just to have "friends" whom destroy my lunch, endlessly harass me, throw 30 spitballs at me in a 40 minute period, shoot hornets (not living hornets, but something shot with a rubber band) that can hurt like hell, take every opportunity they can to humiliate me, but it's all my fault, I continue being fake for them, I continue being this retarded little cretin that they want me to be, I am a lie, everything about me is a lie, and despite how hard I try, I always go back to them, maybe not as fake as I once was, but I still further destroy my image for them, I would simply rather be alone then be with them anymore, but at the same time, when I'm sitting home alone, I'm trapped in my mind, and as many teenage minds are, mine is constantly seeking every flaw of mine, everything I do wrong, it's constantly thinking about the people I pushed away, thinking about how fucked up I am, how I'm a tumor to humanity, a cancerous, fatal tumor, how much of a ego-centric narcissist I am, how stupid and replaceable I am, how I am in no way unique, I'm just like every other useless little fucking human on this planet, how I'm bound to just lead a useless life, to do nothing with my life, how ill be forgotten in 200 years and every thing I ever did, all the pain I felt will never matter because none of us matter and we're just worthless little things and this planet wouldn't even be effected by our lose, why the hell are we all so fucking worthless?!... I may have gotten a bit off topic, but this was probably the best way to start this, thank you to anyone who actually read all this, hope I didn't depress you, have a nice night, or day, whenever you're reading this.