lijstje NL

You know you're from Holland when...

1. You consider a small hill a mountain, and complain that because of this all other countries are unsuitable for riding a bike.

2. You are absolutely convinced that your language is the hardest language to learn. Ever.

3. Not that number 2 matters, because you speak at least three languages anyway. Dutch and English, and any or multiple of French, German, Spanish, Italian, Chinese, Latin and Greek, and have a thorough understanding of most others, even if you don't speak them that well.

4. Whenever you take your foreign friends to Holland, they will be shocked with the amount of bikes on any of the central stations. You don't so much as blink.

5. You are taken off guard by cashiers who pack your groceries for you and are actually interested in how you are doing.

6. On the other hand, whenever you want to respond to someone saying "How's it going?" by the time you tell them they'll be a mile away.

7. You consider religious political parties the most normal thing in the world.

8. You have to explain over and over again how the soft-drug legislation works.

9. You don't think it's funny that prostitutes have to pay taxes.

10. You know that there's more to Holland than getting stoned in Amsterdam.

11. You cringe any time someone tries to pronounce, spell or write down your name.

12. You think words like "achtentachtig", "scheurbuik" and "angstschreeuw" are perfectly pronounceable.

13. You have gotten used to people thinking Holland is a province of Germany.

14. You are the only one who doesn't think Holland is going to be submerged.

15. You don't consider the inability to elect mayors, senators, governors, ministers or prime minister undemocratic.

16. You either don't care or take pride in the fact that your royal family is the wealthiest in the world.

17. You usually don't bother with changing adjectives into adverbs.

18. You are sometimes considered rude, while all you did was be honest.

19. You are shocked by the low standard of secondary education in any other country but Holland.

20. You like to complain about the weather, high taxes, the weather, inflation, the weather, your neighbours, the weather, religious intolerance, and the weather.

21. You consistently use colons to indicate a direct quote.

22. Belgian chocolate isn't good. It's from Belgium.

23. You aren't phased by an openly gay couple.

24. You pronounce 'essay' as 'es-SAY'.

25. You are naturally able to skate, even if you've never done it in your life.

26. You own a kaasschaaf, and you believe every household should have one.

27. You eat kroketten, bitterballen, bamischijven, nasiblokken, kipknotsen, and most of all: chips with mayonnaise!

28. You love koek en zopie but you don't have a clue what it is.

29. When something in the supermarket is on offer, you buy it, even if you don't need it, or like it, or want it.

30. You collect points from Douwe Egberts packs, and you have a massive collection of points that you gathered from friends and family, that span a gathering of at least fifty years. You never redeem them, though.

31. You drink enormous amounts of milk and love the taste of cheese.

32. You still can't say the word "coffeeshop" in a normal conversation about coffee.

33. You love salted liquorice and make all your friends try it, making them puke every time.

34. You calculate distances by how long it takes to cycle there.

35. You don't perceive people applying blackface and wearing colourful costumes to be non-PC, let alone racist.

36. You're amazed that you can get ketchup for free at McDonalds.

37. You do know that Sinterklaas was there first.

38. You make distinctions between jonge, jong belegen, belegen, oud belegen, oude, twee jaar oude en vier jaar oude kaas, which is either plain, contains nettle, cumin, or herbs (or a combination) and is made of goat, sheep or cow milk. You then proceed to laugh at people who don't know the difference between mild and mature cheddar.

39. Pepernoten are just part of your breakfast around 5 December.

40. You never spell the days of the week or months with a capital letter.

41. Being politically correct is something they do in other countries...

42. Your bike is one of the most valued things you own, even if rusted and held together with insulation tape.

43. You've been to the cinema, and people have applauded at the end of the movie. Also, you consider it the most normal thing in the world to have a break halfway during a film.

44. Seeing a backpack hanging off the end of a flagpole doesn't confuse you, but instead brings back happy memories.

45. Orange is, of course, part of the Dutch flag, and you wonder why no other country has a wimpel.

46. You know that Albert Heijn isn't the name of a local shopkeeper, but rather a chain of supermarkets.

47. You know that the 'wonderful world of Disney' isn't anything compared to de Efteling.

48. You shake the hand of a person when you first meet, regardless of gender differences.

49. You had to adjust to the idea that WWI is the Great War, not WWII. Because according to our collective memory WWI just didn't happen.

50. You are surprised that foreigners only greet by giving one or two kisses. Three time's the charm!

51. All English words are 'dutch-a-tised' : douglas is referred to as Doegglas and Mcdonalds as Macdowh-nAlds and fuck is pronounced as fhuuk.

52. 'lekker' can be used in every situation, using it positively or sarcastically

53. You can't watch tv after 11pm without escaping the sexline adverts.

54. The cabinet collapses every time you blink.

55. You know what 'gezellig' means, but don't have a clue how to explain it to foreigners.

56. You think it's normal to live a few metres below sea level.

57. You are actually surprised when a train arrives on schedule.

58. Your country's the only country with a Harry Potter look-a-like as PM.

59. Orange is your favourite colour. Above all others. Or, well, it may not be your favourite colour, but it is whenever the European or World Championships Football are on...