My thank you's March 2004

God... Should I thank you? The last three months I couldn't been a worse wreck. Like I've never seen luck in the eyes before. I'm not mad, maybe my time will come, just let me say I'm waiting for it with all my might.
I guess in these last unbarable months I must've dissapointed my mum more than once. Please don't be mad. Don't give up on me, keep believing in me. It's not that I don't want to make it, but I'm missing that drive lately. I love you with all my heart, and I hope that soon I will make you proud.
Biek, just thinking of our friendship, gices me tears in my eyes, somehow in that desperate time you were there, and you stayed. Don't know that I would do without you. I love you with all my heart and I will do anything for you. I would die for you.
Dancing... it's a new one, I know. Somehow it became such an important factor in my life, I can't live without it. When I can't dance to the fullest. because of my shoulders, it feels like dieing. I really want to make it.
Lexus, haha, there you are again. I love you and I'm sure you wíll make it.
Nookie, I'm starting to get attached to ya girl. Where did that came from?! But I love you and I will look after you. Now more than ever.
Niels, I've had my doubts and so did you. Of course I do not know where this future will lead us to, but hopefully it will be a better place than we are now, for the both of us. Of course I haven't been the smiling flower lately and I apologise for that. I do loce you, more than people think.
Noros, it is truely unbelievable. From the crazy girl you were, to the grown up woman you are. I love both of you and I'm proud of you, no matter what you do!
Mark, Papa Bear. Didn't expect your name here, did ya? Today you've reached the finals of Bandstrijd. I'm proud of you. Somehow, for no reason, I've put you in the 'good friends' list. Trust me, that's rare. I have the feeling you're ok, 'cause you listen. And you were there when I needed ya and gave me some good advice.
Nick, I don't want to fool you. I like you, maybe even too much, but I'm not over him, so right now I am not really the kind of girl you want to be with... I'm sorry.
And that leads us to... Sjef. Somewhere I really, honoustly hate you. Why do you torture me so much? But somewhere I'm also still in love with you, so it's my own damn fault. But somewhere, deep down, I've accepted the fact I can't be more than just friends. So... I guess this is goodbye. No more 'you' in my life. I will try no to care, since you don't either.

And still there are many people I could name... but I don't. 'Cause everytime again there will always be something, or someone who will remind me of the fact that I will always end up alone. So, why name the people who are responsible of that feeling?!

Dad... I haven't been thinking that much about you lately. I don't know why not. It's not like I don't miss you anymore, it's that I don't want to be reminded of that empty space in my heart. I don't have words to describe it. Every tear I cry, is a tear for you. How come you left me? Why? It's almost three years ago. I'm already living three years without my father. It feels... empty. Lost. I'm really sorry, but right now I just don't have words for the feelings I feel. All I can say is: I miss you
and I love you.

Lately I'm feelingso lost and misunderstood. And that feeling comes of some of the things I described earlier. But right now, it's time for a new beginning. A new era.

I've gotta start over again...