Self harm *gedicht*

It calls me closer, its calls me near 
"Just once and it'll be over" 
Death whispers in my ear
Irresistible is its sweet entice 
Staring down, which one to slice, 
I observe my previous tries 
My unseen hurt and earlier cries
No peace in my mind, no peace in my head 
The quiet intelligent me, long since fled 
Anger and rage consumes me 
My minds demons bursting to be free 
The walls of my cage finally cave 
"Just be still, just be brave" 
I slash down with an improvised knife 
"Forget this world, forget my life" 
Blood oozes and drips down the drain 
A slight tingle but no real pain 
A Calmness comes over me 
My last attempt please, it's got to be 
"Screw everyone, that's made me into this" 
The very same people who I'm going to miss 

Tears stream down my cheek, 
My head feels heavy, I get dizzy and legs go weak 
Darkness surrounds me,
I get a glimpse of the abyss I embrace the darkness,
then hear a shriek... Then nothing.... Blankness, no sound 
I feel my body drifting 
I hear scraping, something's stirring around 
Surrounding me, I can here creatures shifting I hear a scream,
I hear a moan I want my family, I'm all alone
 I hear cry, I hear a sob 
And realize it's my own I know I have sinned, still I pray to god 
"Please get me out of this hell" I start to yell... No sound out my mouth, only in my mind 
No one to help me, no one for me to find 
I've never felt so scared.... 
My soul finally screamed and despaired "I give up..."

 A light??? My consciousness returns 
As it starts to get bright I feel myself falling 
A faint faraway voice, I hear someone calling 
Brighter now, getting brighter still I feel myself escaping from this hell 
Has it been months or has it been years? 
Since I was stuck in that prison,
Trapped with my fears 
I open my eyes, and look around 
I'm lying in a bed in a hospital gown 
The worried looks on their faces makes me ashamed 
Sitting and staring no one makes a sound "Sorry" is all I say... 
Mother starts crying, my farther is sad 
Finding me like that, must have been bad... 
I get a kiss and a cuddle, A pat from my father, 
My minds in a muddle I still manage a small smile,
 And close my eyes for a while, I promise myself, f
rom this day on and till I die I'm going to be the best person I can 
Or at least try 
Like a old cliché "Live everyday like it's the last" 
Forget all the bad days, I'm leaving them in the past 
The sun is shining, my dark clouds have vanished 
My demons have gone, finally banished 
Life is good, life is great, 
Forget wallowing in self pity I tell you, straight.

#dit gedicht is niet gebaseerd op eigen ervaringen#
10 sep 2012 - meld ongepast verhaal
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MadDog, man, 27 jaar
   
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