shit happens

Taoism: s*** happens

Confucionism: Confucius says: "s*** happens"

Buddhism: If s*** happens, it isn't really s***

Zen: Whai is the sound of s*** happening?

Hinduism: This s*** has happened before

Islam: If s*** happens, it is the will of Allah

Protestantism: Let the s*** happen to someone else

Catholicism: If s*** happens, you deserve it

Judaism: Why does s*** always happen to us?

Sufism: The wise man never notices s*** happening

Christian Science: If s*** happens, pretend it doesn't really
exist

Solipsism: s*** happens because I wish it

Mysticism: Just experience s*** happening

Asceticism: If s*** happens, renounce it

Agnosticism: Nobody knows why s*** happens

Gnosticism: I know why s*** happens but won't tell you

Atheism: s*** just happens and that's all there is to it

Cartesianism: s*** happens to me, therefore I exist

Platonism: There is ideal s*** happening somewhere

Stoicism: I don't care if s*** happens

Epicureanism: Let's party while s*** doesn't happen

Cynicism: Of course s*** happens

Occultism: s*** materializes from other planes of existence

Terrorism: s*** will happen unless you do as I say

Pollyanism: It's so nice that s*** happens!

Puritanism: S** can happen all day as long as you don't call
it that

Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having s*** happen

Freudianism: If s*** happens, it's your mother's fault

Parapsychology: s*** happens without material causes

Surrealism: Purple s*** happens near melting clocks

Cubism: If s*** happens, you won't recognize it

Cultural relativism: s*** happens everywhere differently

Optimism: If s*** happens, we'll find a way to use it

Pessimism: If s*** happens, there won't be enough for
everybody

Tabloid Sensationalism: Green s*** from Mars happens to Elvis
clone

Biblical Creationism: s*** happens because God created it

Secular Humanism: s*** happens because it evolved from
primitive s***

Scientific Reductionism: If s*** happens, find out what kind
exactly

Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in
given cases

Bureaucracy: I don't care if s*** happens as long as you fill
out the forms

Feminism: Women demand to have s*** happen

Ecology: If organic s*** happens, it's OK

Capitalism: Let's profit from s*** happening

Socialism: If s*** happens, let's distribute it equally

Patriotism: Our s*** is better than your s***

Conservatism: They don't make even s*** happen like they used
to

Liberalism: s*** shouldn't happen tomorrow

Classical Physics: s*** does not 'happen', it just moves
around

Quantum Physics #1: s*** happens but you can't say both where
and when

Quantum Physics #2: s*** happens in discrete quanta called
shitons

Holistic Physics: If s*** happens, it happens everywhere at
once

Microcomputing: If s*** happens, we'll fix it in the next
version

Computer Science: All s*** can in principle happen on a
Turing Machine

Applied Mathematics: The probabity of s*** happening
approaches unity

Engineering: When s*** happens, paint over

Medicine: If s*** happens, take two Aspirins and call me in
the morning

Economics: s*** happens because there's a geat demand for it

Politics: If s*** happens, make a deal with it

Diplomacy: Let's pretend s*** doesn't happen