slow progression

in the end it will be fine
but it takes steps little steps
to recover from a sickness
a dilema or a painful remaining memory

slowly breaking down
picking up the pieces
without you

slowly building up
placing the pieces
without you

without you i am nothing
with you i am a broken man
trying to recover from a sickness
a dilema a painful memory

and it takes steps
a long hard road out of hell
for i have burned alive
for i have sinned

long depressive confessions
as a sign of weakness in strenght
long warm comforting words
do not hide the scars
it just emphasizes
what happens inside

and i tried
and i scared
to hold you close
to push you away
and i can not be
in this state

i saw my self
trying to kill myself
trying to love
trying to
resque

i don't
never felt the desire
never wanted to
and yet
some saw
some felt
even though
i was there
and i only loved
tried not to hurt
and never did hurt
just brought up old memories
like i always do
and like i always take
the blame
for they don't know
the difference
between me
and the memories i unlock
and i
i can't feel
at those times
which is which
me or memory
i only feel
love and pain

slow progression
with each step
as i walk
alone
with only few smiles
to keep me going
and the memories
of pain
that i have taken
and the shame i feel
knowing i never did wrong
yet been seen
as EVIL

slow progression
as i realize
i can not
BE

i am sorry
for all i have released
and i know
no one here
will ever know
what i have seen
what i have felt
cause i can not speak
the horrid things i felt like i have done
yet know
they are but memories
that haunt me
which aren't even my own

without you
picking up the pieces
trying to get home
back to the grounds
where i was born
the grounds
where i can kill
take the live
of memories
of war

slow progression
war is a dying thing of the past
but other horrific things
will take its place
and i have felt
they are so much worse
so much worse

so please
some one who can take me back
bring me back to the killing fields
so less danger befalls upon us
give me my dreams
and i can take again
the horrid memories
the images
the pain

for now
i am blind
and all seeing
i want to see
and be aware more
while less is seen
so i can
do some
good again
for my self
and take steps
towards you
towards us

it is a slow progression
getting out of this prison
and the sex here
sucks
the life out of me
it sucks
for it is but rape and abuse

i can take so much more
but then again
CAN YOU ?

let me go back
let me kill and be
for i am the special unit intercepter
grounded because of a memory
and false accusations
can some one please clear my name
and believe
that my work is solid
and trust and controle
my actions

for i need
to
resque