the silence screams the truth V.V

wow its been awhile...i went to get help for my thoughts so they gave me a notebook to write down every dark thought down in and a whole bunch of sweetart crazy pills. Jake isnt in the picture anymore. V.V
he saw what i did and took me to the help center and said that he was sorry but i took it way to far and he wuldn be waitin for me when i get out. I was so broken i just sat in my prison cell(personal room...ha ya rite) i didnt eat for 4 days straight so they drugged me and stuck a food tube were they bloated me like a builda bear plushie. I never wanted to talk i kept it all in. The mental doc(the prisons hitler) said that if i was going to try and kill myself i culda atleast tried harder. I tried to tell him i didnt try if i tried i wulda suceeded but he cut me off and started saying all different types of slang words like whore and slut and fat. I just sat there. They wuldn listen so what else culd i have done? they never check under our beds they never check anything...i was in a prison were they WANTED us to kill ourselves. I hidd an exacto knife under my bed the nurse found it while making my bed but just left it there and said to me your bissness is ur bussiness just do me a favor and keep me out of it. Wish i culd just be given a chance to explain and finally have some one listen! this is the only place i can go to that lets me express myself. Is that bad? i tried to keep it all in but durin the confession time my mind and mouth betray me. So i finally started to lose it. I wrote on my walls empty is strong. Beautiful is ugly. Uglyness within covers the outside skinbag.different is ugly. I hate you. I wish i was never born...i usually sit in the silence and read them to myself. It scares me. I think iv gone completely loony. I hate the silence bcuz it screams the truth.im lost. No one wants to find me.no one wants to waste their time on me. The truth is im a horrible excuse for a human being and i am a complete waste of time energy and space.V.V </3