This 'n' that

I dont know why im writing on here... Diarys are meant to be gospel... Private... Read by the one person who wrote in it... You. I dont often reflect upon my past entries... The past is the past... But I write because the 'Diary' is the only thing I can speak to these days.
Whats with the constant dreaming of being on this huge ship... Then it sinking?? I cant swim so theres the ending... I die. So much for a dream... I already know the ending!
and the dreams of being a young girl in the 30's?? Woh... Man its freaking me out.
I never dream normal stuff... It's always murder, death, sorrow... You know how it goes. Why cant I dream happy things.
I never believed in Santa or fairys as a kid... I never really believed in anything. All I had was 'hope'. Even now... Believing in mankind is almost erased... I mean what the hell are we doing to ourselves? To eachother? To our world? To our planet?!! Nothing is the same anymore.
I used to think that having a life was a gift. My only gifts are my family.
I used to think I was surrounded by warm, welcoming, decent human beings who would be kind enough to say 'goodmorning' as they passed each day.
Now... Its bitter, self-ricious folk who feel they have to drag their way through life carrying hatred and spite.
What have you to hate? You make your life how it is! You hate our world? Stop screwing it up then! You hate the people of society? Nope... You just hate yourself and cant be arsed to get off youre idle backsides and change or atleast better yourself. Instead... You find it easier to reflect your greif and anguish onto others because that happens to be the way out for you.
Youre the timewasters that didnt put the effort in to care for others so they wont care about you in return. Those who do... Carry way too much pity.
If you hate this entry... Tough luck... You decided to read this far and it obviously was intriguing or you wouldnt have carried on. Besides, its my ''Diary'' I can write what I like, its my reflection upon life... Whether it sucks or not.