thoughts of what is to come

they are short
cause i really don't know what is to come any more
i've been pulled out and back in only to be pulled out again
the world is shifting and turning
and i can not get a clear view on it

dreaming of my sister, or was it my love ?
was it the stranger i never really known ?

she never comes around much
and i have hopes that she cares, but i know that is idle hope
why would she,

but i know somewhere in there
somewhere near or with her lies the answere i've been looking for
and i know it sounds overly dramatic, and maybe it is
but if you only felt the things i felt
only seen the things i've seen
then you would know why i want to know

and for her sake, i try to do my searches else where
don't want to bother her
don't even want her to see me searchng near her
i want her to know when i do, but then again
it may only frighten her
so i try not to

but deep inside of me something still goes to those places
trying to find out what is there
where the key is to the door
where the piece is of that puzzle

i hope she does not live like me
all trashy and fucked up
cause i wish her all the best
she should have the most pleasant life i could imagine
or any one could
but i just don't know what is what any more

i am falling back to that place that time
that feeling
and i know i am losing it again
soon

the big go down, well i did not want it
guess i need it

and now i have to make sure they are all okay again
you would not know the shit i have pulled
just to save your shitty asses ten years ago
and now i have to do it all again

you know it sucks to be me
and it is damn lonely here
back in the day i had some friends
and i still do, but it is not the same anymore

i feel like i am the only one left of the old
like i am still fighting wars long forgotten
saving the dead from dying

and this all seems so dramatic
and it is so over rated
but i have nothing else to live for
just this quest i started long ago
and now i am stuck
just trying to get you save
trying to get you to the other side the way it should

you would not know what i gave up for all of this
and not to be a spoiled kid but..
this is not what i thought it would be

please make sure you are okay
and i would not worry so much
my worries tend to get to you
and so does my fear and my anger
and i would gladly give you my joy and happyness
but as you can feel and see
there is little of that around
i am sorry for that, for you
like i told you so often
i am sorry for that.

now i have to get back to where i am from
just for a few hours
and then i'll be up and running again
hopefully i won't get mad at any one tonight
cause that is not what i want

there is nothing left here
just some memorabillia of times gone by
and me
but i guess you'd go for the memorabilia
and maybe you should.