where am i now
the question of life
where the fuck did i land just now?
after a night of un interupted suicide dreams
i am still here
and i have to do something
i tried to communicate last night
i tried so hard
maybe you saw me in a dream
and maybe you had a night mare
but then again
i could only have fucked things up
i ask , beg of you
please kill me insted
kill me in your head
insted
of the child inside
kill me if you need to kill something
but please don't hurt the little child inside
if i dies i have to leave
i have to commit seppakku
and die with my innerworkings on my lap
because my master
the one who asked me to protect
will then have died
and no longer am i a brother or samurai for her
because she is dead then
please don't kill your inner child
don't even try to ignore her
it will slowly kill her
and make me only more angry
untill there is nothing left
but anger, remains of love
transmutated but foolish desires
and being powerless to stop your destructive ways
i hope i did show you last night
a dream of the past
something valuable
but then again i fear
like all the rest
you will make it a tool
to kill the little child you have inside
i have had one dream
of killing myself
and it continued
untill i got woken up
by the phone
i am at home
slowly dying
knowing i can not stop you
i can only try to reach that part of you
that remembers
my employment
and reconsiders
the way she is taking
where the fuck did i land just now?
after a night of un interupted suicide dreams
i am still here
and i have to do something
i tried to communicate last night
i tried so hard
maybe you saw me in a dream
and maybe you had a night mare
but then again
i could only have fucked things up
i ask , beg of you
please kill me insted
kill me in your head
insted
of the child inside
kill me if you need to kill something
but please don't hurt the little child inside
if i dies i have to leave
i have to commit seppakku
and die with my innerworkings on my lap
because my master
the one who asked me to protect
will then have died
and no longer am i a brother or samurai for her
because she is dead then
please don't kill your inner child
don't even try to ignore her
it will slowly kill her
and make me only more angry
untill there is nothing left
but anger, remains of love
transmutated but foolish desires
and being powerless to stop your destructive ways
i hope i did show you last night
a dream of the past
something valuable
but then again i fear
like all the rest
you will make it a tool
to kill the little child you have inside
i have had one dream
of killing myself
and it continued
untill i got woken up
by the phone
i am at home
slowly dying
knowing i can not stop you
i can only try to reach that part of you
that remembers
my employment
and reconsiders
the way she is taking
10 dec 2004
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