Women are expected to function less

I had a terrible interraction with a GP I don't usually have, in April 2021. They said they could not see at all why I would think I need mental health help for ADHD symptoms. And in my perception, their body language was of that of a man that did not know what to do with the emotions of a woman, but he is used to it. I felt like he did not recognise the things I said as problems because to him, it sounded like I was simply describing how a woman acts in relationships.

I told this to an online mate and he said: yeah women seem to be expected to function less.

I haven't been able to shake off this comment.

Because it is true.

On the one hand, it is seen as bad to be emotional. As weak. There are people who call women crazy when they blow up for "small things" instead of trying to really understand them as people. It is more easy to give in to your confirmation bias that women simply are crazy. Sure.

But because we are called that, we also often don't reach out for mental help.

I know I first had to feel seen as a human being first. I removed all crying and sadness from my emotional vocabulary for 5 years because my ex would say he could not see me as anything else than weak when I cried.

Others like me could get in the defensive in other ways: by holding on to their emotional selves and keep suffering through this emotional rollercoaster... Because they see it as a way to protest against all those shitty claims dismissing femininity as weak. Because it is okay to be emotional. Others are wrong for calling us "crazy".

Which is true.

But. I do think all the pressure not be argumentative, all the beauty standards, all the extra work we have to put in to be seen as just as competent. (I have witnessed first-hand how much bullshit men can spit out as long as they are confident, and the same goes for women that act confidently in a male way.)
Not to mention all the fear for sexual comments from strangers when we are just trying to go about our day and are not in a sexual mood at all. Sexual advances, sexual assault.
In certain cultures, the fear that a boyfriend or guy friend will go get himself in a fight because he feels the need to "protect our honor", (as if virginity is honour at all, but that is a topic for another day).

It all makes us more susceptible to burn-out symptoms, to depressive and anxious thoughts.

This is *NORMAL*. It is normal to be more "sensitive", to need more to feel safe from people when you are constantly exposed to pressures like that. Pressures that hit you in the survival instincts. Being safe, being seen as a human being, being acknowledged.

But it is also normal to ask for mental help for this, and people calling women crazy or using "you need to visit a psychiatrist" as an insult rather than offering this as a helpful *piece of advice* can go to hell.

I had someone call me "broken goods" last year but kept talking with me and I was flabbergasted.

He had not wanted to visit a relationship therapist with his ex and stayed with her until she threw him out, and he kept talking with someone who he found mentally unstable, hurful and "crazy" (me).

Either he is mentally masochistic or he thinks I am just a typical woman and there are no other options for him...

Which would finally explain to me why the men in my family kept being assholes BUT ALSO subjecting themselves to terrible behaviour from the women in my family. In my birth country, getting psychological help is taboo.

Ugh.

Fucked up world we live in.

I have a message for you, past dude I dated. The behaviour I showed was me in my most depressed and anxious state ever. And you still found me incredibly smart and rational when I didn't feel unsafe with you because you did not respect my boundaries.

This is because I have read things for my mental health for 10 years. Now I am getting mental help from a professional.

I am not crazy. (Except in the fun way.) I just need healing.
03 jun 2022 - bewerkt op 03 jun 2022 - meld ongepast verhaal
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knowthyself, vrouw, 30 jaar
   
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