:(

fuck this shit
i am not going to cry over this
i already am with tears

just like you
blood red stained skin
warm and fuzzy
and a slightly bunring sensation

go ahead
try do it again
you will not ever touch this
blood again
for it is wasted
for nothing important
no nothing that is worth bleeding

you might think it so
but i will do it over nothing
not over you
not for you
just out of boredom
just so you can see the shit it brings

i will not cry the watery silt tears
no not because you are not worth it
but because you don't feel it
you don't see it
you won't know the hurt
and when you do
untill you do
i will not cry

go ahead
kill the little bitch
the one thing that is worth all the trouble
go ahead
i pushed you too far
i damn well know
i fucked up big time
and you
you just made it worse
you ran
well run
run so hard it feels as if your legs are burning
untill your heart explodes in your chest
run the miles of blood i have bled
and know not one drop was for you
but then again
you will never know
when you run

*let me tell a dirty little selfish secret*
today i went to my old school
the place that has 3 suicide attempt of me inside
in the forest in the school one the grounds
two near deaths in the gym
and you know what
i saw all the deliberate places but one
because it does not excist any more

i walked through the forest
where i put my knive in my elbowpit
right down the bloodvessel
i was there today
and you know what, about twenty other ghosts were there
guess how i felt today
i walked in the hallways
the stairs where i nearly thruw myself down
all the ghosts had dissapeared
all were lost in the crouwd like they used to
they were so happy to be in the forest
i had to controle them not to hurt
once on the school yard
i lost controle
i enjoyed being with friends
saw great memories
and now
i sit
at home
realising
the shit that might happen
my evil thoughts
my selfish thoughts
i have to fight them all over again

in the forest i had no desire to pull my knive
that was one of the first times i did not feel the urge
happy with the playing ghosts
that did not push me
well
i was wrong
misguided
and now do i feel regret ?
yes and no
fuck you
you can handle it well
if i could you can
it is if you want to

i saw the evil things
in school
again and again
surprized faces
that looked like
"he is still alive"
sad faces
"oh no he is here again"
worried faces
"he is danger!!"

and i realize it now
i am
i am the wrong one
the one that makes things go bad
well i am in peace with it
because if i don't bring the shit
who will ?

i have always been the evil one
just like today
so fuck it
that is me
throw it at me
kill me
in your mind if you don't have the guts
cause i will not kill my self
and i will only do harm
like i have done all my life
ALL MY LIFE