desire for truth

when god is love
when god is truth
how come people are so easily satisfied with sex and lies ?

people do not want to know the truth
because the truth is a dynamic thing that needs constant updating
facts might be static, but truth is more than facts, it is facts and the reactions to the facts
it is the reasoning behind the facts and the reactions,
truth is like time, moving along side life, and people rather wish to be dead and waste their time with idiotic distractions.

this again is known in the art of war
and used against the people
because there is a natural instinct that tells you truth is dynamic governments often adjust their lies so to make it appear real.
looking at NIST and fema reports about 911 we see that in time they can flipflop facts and lies.
and no one in the mass media will hold them accountable, this is planned and created that way,
recently we can see this happen in the coverage of the georgia conflict.

the people don't want the facts and truth because it spoils their fun,
but when you lie to them they inconsequently ask you to tell the truth.
when you tell them the truth about real important things they get all screwed up and go in denial,
psychologically one can analize this, but then they are offended,

truth is the closest you can get to god besides love.
but god is feared.
why fear a good god ?

this is the final realisation that it means you are not in controle,
and then they call me a controle freak, well i am not the one defending my desires of the untrue at the expense of the children in far away places.

no ofcourse this all can not be true and real,
but sufficient replies are far from few.

because i was in church yesterday and had a moment of spirituality, i might be a little repetative and pushy
then again, don't think i accept all the Bull from the church,
i just have more eye for the spiritual and thus more feel for the real.

life is not a given, it is something you have to work for, but that is not equal to the slavery that is called work these days.
self realisation is found in the quest for truth and love, and most will try love but drop it when ego gets too much hurt, yet truth they leave in the dark because truth is hurt in their eyes, not because it hurts and is ment to hurt but because all is a lie and it hurts to realize you have been living a lie.

yesterday i was pissed at mother mary,
i made my donation out of guilt, and custom, ritual, but in that i was not humbled, i was infuriated like christ in the tempel.
in all my fury i kept my prayer inside knowing that is where god resides and mary can hear me.
i told them that they should keep the children save and that they had no place in the market
if there is one thing they could do for me, it would be for the children, that they would help and save the children rather than allow the greed to abuse them.

i got my reply, and i do understand,
they have no power over the material in as much as my request, i have to deal and fight for those things, like every one should, and in that i would get support from them.
yet it feels like i can not get you (those who question my words without ever doing anything for the truth and some might even do nothing for love) to move and find the truth and get to realisation
only that way you can move and change, that is the only way to live a good life.
not believing me, question me untill there are no questions left, no questions left, that means all anomalies have been explained propperly.

i have a desire for truth and love,
but it is hard to hold on to my pledge
i know i have broken my pledge
but i know i have one and made one like every other living being
yet i only find few who know and realize.

sad you can not relate this much, because i have no ill desire towards you
i am just pissed you have no will for love and truth while i know you made a pledge.

i am tired

"god, i have no right to ask, but i will any way, how can you talk of free will when it is so destructive these days and is so clouded by selfish desires ?"

a monster has entered my hall way, yet i know it is not that much of a monster
because the real monster is in your mirror when you refuse to use your mind propperly

remember the scores of football and which actor was in what film ?
yeah that is the stuff you need in life.. sure.

if i was a bad man lying to all of you in my diary, i would have been dead long ago.

so kill me please why don't you
most of you are dead anyway
so please kill me in your dreams and leave me dead and gone.
if not, have the decency to use your mind and think about what really matters in life.

when holy water is filled with fluoride and barium what is so fucking holy about it, it is pure poison.

did you leave your sanity ?
because i often think you did.
and i think about you because i care, i hope, you will wake up and use gods gifts you have inside to better the world for real.

*i am losing it*
please kill me.