i am going to sleep
i am a bit messed up
and i have lost
some part of my protection
and it was not
expected
i'll go back to sleep
maybe i will dream
and see your face
see the eyes i have not yet seen
from up close
and hope
there will be some drugs
to calm my nervs
as i am totaly fucked up and broken
well i will go to sleep
see you guys soon
or when ever
my nervs are cool
today i heard two women alking about one guy
a lover of one of them
and he spends his time strange
he is often with his kids
who live with his ex wife
the two women were quite clear on how that was not done
that he should be not with his ex and kids but with her
and she just don't want to tell him
that it bothers her
she bottles it up untill she can explode again
but she also said she has a hard time not to blame the kids
as a kid with devorced parents i listend
it was horrible
it reminded me of how my father never could be there
to tuck us in (my sis and me)
or just to see our parents be together with out tension
i remember my fathers girlfriend who did not want us
on vacations
who told my father what and what not to do
and as a child i blamed my father
and her ofcourse
she hated it when we came to visit
and she always had a strange air over her
but any way
one of the women talking reminded me of her
and i felt shame
anger and discomfort
but no hate
just upset
even though it is almost twenty years
since those days
she has no attention
to any thing i guess but her self
because she will bottle up and will blame the children
and will dump her boyfriend for spending time with his kids
and she will not understand
how important it is for the kids
to have a father !!
*tears push up till they just don't drop*
slaap lekker kids
slaap lekker lieve mensjes
ik trip wel ff weg nu
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggg