do i want to be inlove ?

i figured it out,
i am so afraid of falling inlove,
i am so afraid of being rejected
i just don't fall inlove any more.

i reason it away,
i fear to think of those i might love
i fear to fantasize about those sweet moments
i fear to be within the warmth of love.

so what happens ?
my mind makes it and breaks it
how i love to be fragile and open
in this i just can't untill struck
and even then i have to reason about it
not daring to let it go.

a fear of love is killing,
but what would it matter
i'm dreaming of getting away,
and no love can make me stay
i'm beat
by love and life
just a small nothing meaning fuck that i am

useless and empty of all that is good.
26 mrt 2008 - meld ongepast verhaal
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sui, man, 47 jaar
   
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