Entry 6 talking to others...

Ever since I was born, Iv'e been an only child. My mother didnt want to have another because the money and all... but because of that reason I was always taken care of in a way that... I hardly went out unless my mom had the money to go out. I hardly talk to people I was scared I didnt know how. I always let others do the work for me. Example, Someone would talk to me out of the blue, I would follow them around... then I meet their friends. as time pass I talked a little more.

high school was the same, sometimes I cant even talk to a cashier person...I get to shy I dont know, I guess since I had to real social life I cant say "Oh I went there! and I did this and that!" All I can say is "I go to the movies, I go to disney land every winter... I go to NASCAR every starting of the year...."I cant say much like I go partying or sky diving, or go to awesome museums ... with awesome artist...I cant... I dont know if its cause I have no money, I cant drive, I cant make friends...I dont know whats wrong with me...
I mean I can socialize on the computer but I guess cause people are far away and I dont have to show expression or anything ts just all typing...

I guess today I was ok but.... I dont know maybe I missed lindsay I dont know... but the guy I like always sits next to me. I guess he talks to everyone mostly girls cause of some gay guy insadent he hardly socialize with men...he does but i dont know I'm guessing thats it I dont know... but we came to class I got my paint whatever, Im painting and he talking to girls... I get kind of jealous because my friend not around to talk to, no one to talk to but him. and I dont wanna bother him and I have nothing to say because he done more in life and I dont know what I can do or say .... but I notice how well he talks to people and I think and wonder, why cant i? I wish I was that way, talk to a random stranger and hearing them and them listening to me.

Then on our way back home he told I should talk to more people and I felt like saying "there no cute guys to talk to" but I didnt say much just said "I'm a shy girl." so he continue to talk I sat there wondering why isnt my life as fun as his... i think of my cousins and how their life is. they party, hey go out they do things and Im here sitting like a derp wondering when will i ever get a life?...
how can I get a life with my mother bothering me... saying stuff and that will bring me down and stay in doors...

Right now I just Wish I was more open more free... I dont care if this is a phase I just wanna do more things with having fun and not getting in trouble...