how does it feel ??

she was here yesterday, we watched a movie
she told me afterwards it was a great movie
i was happy.
then she told me she had a new boyfriend.
as if i did not know that. though nice of her to clarify
still it stings, and i told her

maybe now i am free to find an other, duh....
where in hell is there any one who would like me
all the girls i've been with left me
and for what reason ?
they did not find me enough
or in other cases too much

they can't compete with me, cause i don't fight with them
or they hate the fact i think so much.
and when they don't hate it, it works against them
and then they hate it

i saw her face change when i told her i still had some hope
she gave up on US before i did, that must have hurt somewhere
after all i was the one who broke up
knowing the circumstance did i have a choise ??
did she give me one ?

but now i am free
and just wondering
who will fall in the mist of love only to see in time
that i am not what the mist hid
but that they find what they hide themself in the mist

one other thing bugs me
what does love mean to others ?
is it just the good feeling and the sex and comfort ?
cause that is often what i see
but i miss the care, and unconditionality
a moment to give in to each other
cause love is not a struggle about who gives in the most or first
love is to care not to let the other give in too much that they change to what they do not want to

well hell
where is the one for me
cause they always seem to be fading away
and i seem to fall apart
16 nov 2006 - meld ongepast verhaal
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mahakala, man, 47 jaar
   
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