i realy don't want any more

i just can not take more
it is all for nothing
you will die
they will die and finaly i will die
it does not matter any more
i can do what ever i try
but it will never be
nothing is going to have a happy ending
if you keep holding on to pain
and i realy don't know
what else i have got

i am sick of it
and surely every one can come with idea's
things that make me happy
things that seem to matter
but in the end
all that matters is love
and i am flat out of it
i have nothing to give
nothing to recieve
because in the end
some one will surely leave

i think i am insane
maybe it is true
i think i am going no nowhere
as there is no future
for me

today i thought
sanity is maybe
killing in the name of
love that is unreachable
killing for those who can't
maybe then i will have peace
and time to think clearly
for they will lock me away
if i get caught
if i get caught
because that is the question
maybe i would run into the police station
knives in each hand
waiting for the kill shot
and it will a suitable end

maybe i should kill those who hurt
those who rape mind and body
maybe i should
because then
i might empty my heart
of all the love i have
and then i can die
peacefully

that would be sane to me
becase it would be good for all
because now no one does anything
because now no one seems to care

i thought maybe
if i dress up like a woman
and walk the darker streets
in fear and doubt
my manhood covered in crossdressing
insecure and determend
to get assaulted
maybe then
i can
KILL
those who pray upon the weaker ones
and it would not be wrong
it can't be wrong
to defend myself
to kill for them

if states can do it
why not a person
because that is the inconsistancy
the core of my sadness
the beginning of my missery

these thoughts run through my head
day and night
there is no release
all i want is to fight
to kill
for you
at will
it is probably what i should do

but i can't
because of you
because of rules i dispize
because
this world is made up of lies
i should kill
i should

and maybe i am wrong
may be i am insane
but then again
i can not shut open eyes
with my feelings a flame
i would kill
without shame
and when it fails
you will have me to blame

ain't that sanity ?
cause if it is not
then what is ?
and who are you to decide
what is sane
and what is insane
because i can write it down
again and again and again
this world is fucked up
and maybe i am to blame