i wanna know

what is going on,

am i loosing it again ?
falling off the deep end ?

it sometimes feels like dying,
now in the time i don't feel like dying
now in the time i do feel something of purpose.

am i loosing it again ?

memories of love and memories of the past,
wishing to let it all go and start a new, while i know
nothing will be new, it will just be shuffled

i am loosing it again, my self and my life
failing to be.

nothing to live for but imagination of things unseen.
knowing the reality of it all is fading and the ground is mere the thought of solid foundation,
ever falling in this deep hole of insanity.

wish i could love some one now
but i would not want any one to love me, for loving me would be pooring love in a vessel that will end

i am nothing.

a wreck of fading dreams
a mirror shattered in a million pieces
just to become less than this.

a desire to give up
while the purpose is going on
a failing will to live and mean while holding on
for some idealistic dream that is unrealistic

there is no real me
i never was
all the love i ever gave to any one
just the reflection

i hide inside because i know my love is only a reflection
feeling that what others really feel, i feel nothing myself
and in this i realize i am falling

i am loosing it
loosing grip on reality
on life it self

they will take me
fake me
and eventually kill me with my own hands

and that last one would only be my hope

forgive me with these harsh words...
i just realized
i have no more hopes no more dreams
no fear of what is real
nothing really is, and that is unsettling and
i only wish some one would slap me in the face
or simply kill me

i have no more anger or will to fight
no more to give
falling

failing

kill me.
05 apr 2008 - meld ongepast verhaal
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monster, man, 47 jaar
   
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