not enough time :(

This is me. I'm sad. I'm 22 years old, already divorced, having had a shitty, good-for-nothing, money leeching bastard, now living together with my new boyfriend...

Somehow it still alienates me from myself. I've grown very scared of getting hurt in love, very scared of not being enough. My friends are in a whole different mindset while we are the same age, or so it seems. I still go to college but lately my head is not in it. Sometimes I feel like I'm 40 instead of 22. Or maybe 50 even. All this crying of the last years has even given me wrinkles. And I'm 22. I'm not a barbiedoll that's overlyconcious so therefore I never really meantion this, but I honestly feel embarrassed about having wrinkles ._. My friends are all so carefree.. I am not.

To take my mind off things, I'm studying Norwegian now. Next summer we're doing a roadtrip to Norway to meet an old friend of mine.

But long story short: I do not wish to waste time on making wrong decisions. I wish I could just get a sign to know this guy is the guy for me. Because by the time I'm done with college I'll be flipping 26... when/how am I supposed to get kids, if this guy is not the one?? After my first marriage broke apart (on my call though, he was no good), my mother kindly told me "not to worry about offspring, cause you can always get a donor to solve your single problems there". Well mom, that sounded great~

That's right. Worried about having not enough time / ever having kids.
What happened to me?! So confused. I don't like it ._. *kicks rock*

This is the first dutch christmas I've spent in bed being miserable. First dutch christmas with my new boyfriend
T_T Oh yeah it's promising alright.

I hope your day was better than mine..!!
._./"