TAOISM - "if you understand shit, it isn't shit" HINDUISM - "this shit happened before" CONFUCIANISM - "confucious say 'shit happens'" BUDDHISM - "shit will happen to you again" ZEN - "what is the sound of shit happening?" ISLAM - "if shit happens it is the will of Allah" SIKHISM - "leave our shit alone" JEHOVA'S WITNESS - "knock knock, shit happens" ATHEISM - "i don't believe this shit" AGNOSTICISM - "can you prove that shit happens?" CATHOLICISM - "if shit happens, you deserve it" PROTESTANTISM - "shit happens, amen to that" JUDAISM - "why does shit always happen to us?" ORTHODOX JUDAISM - "so shit happens, already" TELEVANGELISM - "send money or shit will happen to you" RASTAFARIANISM - "let's smoke this shit" HARE KRISHNA - "shit happens rama rama" NATION OF ISLAM - "don't take no shit" NEW AGE - "visualize shit happening" SHINTOISM - "you inherit the shit of your ancestors" HEDONISM - "i love it when shit happens" SATANISM - "sneppah tihs" CAPITALISM - "this is MY shit" FEMINISM - "men are shit" EXISTENTIALISM - "what is shit, anyway?" SCIENTOLOGY - "if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137" MORMONISM - "excerment happens (don't say shit)" BAPTISM - "we'll wash the shit right off you" MYSTICISM - "this is really weird shit" VOODOO - "shit doesn't just happen - we made it happen" DISNEYISM - "bad shit doesn't happen here" WICCA - "you van make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times" COMMUNISM - "let's share this shit" MARXISM - "you have nothing to lose but your shit" CONSPIRACY THEORISM - "THEY shit on us" PSYCHO-ANALYSIS - "tell me about your shit" DARWINISM - "survival of the shittiest" AMISH - "modern shit is useless" SUICIDAL - "i've had enough of this shit" OPTIMISM - "shit won't happen to me" TREKISM - "to boldly shit where no-one has shit before" SHAKESPEARIAN - "to shit or not to shit, that's the question" DESCARTES - "i shit, therefore i am" FREUD - "shit is a phallic symbol" LAWYERS - "for enough money, i can get you out of shit" ACUPUNCTURIST - "hold still or this will hurt like shit" DOG - "i just shit in your shoe" CAT - "dogs are shit" MOUSE - "oh shit! a cat!" POLITICALLY CORRECT - "internally processed, nutritionally drained bilogical output happens" EINSTEIN - "shit is relative" FAMILY GATHERING - "relatives are shit" MATERIALISM - "whoever dies with the most shit, wins" VEGETARIANISM - "if it happens to shit, don't eat it" FATALISM - "oh shit, it's going to happen" ENVIRONMENTALISM - "shit is biodegredable" AMERICANISM - "who gives a shit?" STATISTICIAN - "shit is 84.7% likely to happen" HIP-HOP - "motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!" TANTRISM - "fuck this shit" CYNICISM - "we are full of shit" SURREALISM - "fish happens" C4 - "let's blow this shit!"