Wanna make the next move..
My first time wasn't that awesome, i wasn't even planing on it, it just happend ..
And the fact that, the guy who did it .. knew that i was still a virgin and even tho he put his stupid penis in my vagina ( that's the real term ) .. anyway, since that night he didn't call me, and didn't feel the need to bother my self telling him that i'm not virgin anymore because of him, i don't blame him i mean i was going to do it sooner or later, beside, i let him do it, i was feeling it i just couldn't say Stop. it's just that now i'm having problems to move forward and forget this whole deal, i really can't sleep with anyone right now i mean .. sorry for those girls but don't they have feelings? i didn't do anything but geting lade ONCE and i already feel like a bitch even if sometimes i get that feeling of " I WANT TO HAVE SEX NOW ! " but i just can't, i'm afraid to do it and get dumped again like the first time.. i mean for real?
it's not that it's necessary for me to sleep with someone, i'm just wondering if i'm going to be followed by this stupid story my whole life. i don't wanna be like this i wanna forget, i underestimate my self because of this, all i think about is this !
i'm really afraid of what it can happen next, specially that i never had a real relationship just 1week or 2 of fun or something like that!
now that school is over, summer is here, i wanna think a little bit about having fun and forget about my stupid ego .. i don't even know why i'm making it such a big deal !
And the fact that, the guy who did it .. knew that i was still a virgin and even tho he put his stupid penis in my vagina ( that's the real term ) .. anyway, since that night he didn't call me, and didn't feel the need to bother my self telling him that i'm not virgin anymore because of him, i don't blame him i mean i was going to do it sooner or later, beside, i let him do it, i was feeling it i just couldn't say Stop. it's just that now i'm having problems to move forward and forget this whole deal, i really can't sleep with anyone right now i mean .. sorry for those girls but don't they have feelings? i didn't do anything but geting lade ONCE and i already feel like a bitch even if sometimes i get that feeling of " I WANT TO HAVE SEX NOW ! " but i just can't, i'm afraid to do it and get dumped again like the first time.. i mean for real?
it's not that it's necessary for me to sleep with someone, i'm just wondering if i'm going to be followed by this stupid story my whole life. i don't wanna be like this i wanna forget, i underestimate my self because of this, all i think about is this !
i'm really afraid of what it can happen next, specially that i never had a real relationship just 1week or 2 of fun or something like that!
now that school is over, summer is here, i wanna think a little bit about having fun and forget about my stupid ego .. i don't even know why i'm making it such a big deal !
13 jul 2012
- meld ongepast verhaal
-
Quinoa
vrijdag 13 juli 2012 18:30
Sorry to hear about the bad experience of your first time.
Is there btw any reason you're writing in English, since it's not your native language I suppose? -
sweetnlost
vrijdag 13 juli 2012 19:03
It's my second language, i can't write in spanish if you want !
-
simplejaay
zaterdag 14 juli 2012 05:58
Trust your not alone on this. I can see my self in your position in way. I had a bf that was with me for the whole SEX thing. Yeah its a bitch. But, you will move on sooner or later. Just have fun life life(:
Many guys have done that kind of BS to girls. But your BEAUTIFUL ! Just be happy on yourself first(: -
sweetnlost
zondag 15 juli 2012 00:31
I'm ready to move on, it's just that i wanted my first time to be awesome, great, unforgetable but i guess it wasn't and i just need to forget that this whole thing ever happend.
Luckly i don't love him or something, i could go insane
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