Well..
Hey guys.. It's been a while since I've last written so I decided to tell you what's going on and how I'm feeling..
So, a lot of you know about Angelo, my baby💜, but the reason I'm brining him up is because his my first love.. I may not be his first love but I know that he's my everything an I may not be his everything but I can't live without him.. Can he live without me? I'm pretty sure.. I'm not important anymore.. Well I was never important to anyone. I fell in love.. Most of y'all haven't and most of y'all have! I think I've lived enough in my life. Some points I thinks is okay to die.. Let me tell you who I am outside of this..
I'm a girl how goes to school dressed all pretty, nice clothes, nice shoes, and really pretty hair.. And "I'm pretty" my self.. Well that's what everyone says but yet, I don't see it. But anyways.. I help others with thief problems. I give people advice when they are feeling down or want to cut.. I've even talked people out of killing them selfs. I have feeling too.. No ones bothered to ask me "how's life?" Or "how are you?" Instead they all thank me because I've saved their life's or I helped them through tuff times.. I feel good that I save life's an help people but again.. What about me? By the end of the day I'm stuck alone with no one there to save my life or help me.. I'm alone and always will be alone. Everything's been falling apart on me.. One minute I think he still loves me and the next it's like I don't exists to him.. I don't know what to do anymore. I stopped telling everyone my secrets and my personal life. Right now I'm drowning in the inside. I'm drowning in the tears that never fell because I thought about others and was to busy helping them and trying to set a good example but can I keep it up? Can I keep pretending like everything is okay? Should I? Should I keep helping others? Ou may think I'm selfish but where was anyone when I needed someone? I gave my everything to save life's an to help people and no one even dated to ask me if I was okay my self. I've thought about dying.. But I remembered what example would that set for other people? But then again.. I can't keep everything locked up inside of me. I don't even know why I should do anymore. I'm pretty sure after tonight I'm gunna get up in the morning and hide all of this.. But right now.. My mind is set.. It's set for me to not eat.. For me to not sleep.. And for me to cry every second of the day.. There's only one person who knows what goes on in my left and that's "him" and he leaves me when I need him most.. He leaves when I'm crying.. Is it because he doesn't care? Or because he doesn't want to deal with my bullshit? Is it because in annoying him with my problems? I'm so confused.. He never tells me anything about him.. It's always about me and sometimes I wish it wasn't about my bullshit for once..
Well, everything in my life is falling apart.. I thought I would let y'all know.. We will see if I live through tonight with out killing myself..
And for everyone else.. Stay strong.. Don't turn into me.. Trust me! It's not fun!
So, a lot of you know about Angelo, my baby💜, but the reason I'm brining him up is because his my first love.. I may not be his first love but I know that he's my everything an I may not be his everything but I can't live without him.. Can he live without me? I'm pretty sure.. I'm not important anymore.. Well I was never important to anyone. I fell in love.. Most of y'all haven't and most of y'all have! I think I've lived enough in my life. Some points I thinks is okay to die.. Let me tell you who I am outside of this..
I'm a girl how goes to school dressed all pretty, nice clothes, nice shoes, and really pretty hair.. And "I'm pretty" my self.. Well that's what everyone says but yet, I don't see it. But anyways.. I help others with thief problems. I give people advice when they are feeling down or want to cut.. I've even talked people out of killing them selfs. I have feeling too.. No ones bothered to ask me "how's life?" Or "how are you?" Instead they all thank me because I've saved their life's or I helped them through tuff times.. I feel good that I save life's an help people but again.. What about me? By the end of the day I'm stuck alone with no one there to save my life or help me.. I'm alone and always will be alone. Everything's been falling apart on me.. One minute I think he still loves me and the next it's like I don't exists to him.. I don't know what to do anymore. I stopped telling everyone my secrets and my personal life. Right now I'm drowning in the inside. I'm drowning in the tears that never fell because I thought about others and was to busy helping them and trying to set a good example but can I keep it up? Can I keep pretending like everything is okay? Should I? Should I keep helping others? Ou may think I'm selfish but where was anyone when I needed someone? I gave my everything to save life's an to help people and no one even dated to ask me if I was okay my self. I've thought about dying.. But I remembered what example would that set for other people? But then again.. I can't keep everything locked up inside of me. I don't even know why I should do anymore. I'm pretty sure after tonight I'm gunna get up in the morning and hide all of this.. But right now.. My mind is set.. It's set for me to not eat.. For me to not sleep.. And for me to cry every second of the day.. There's only one person who knows what goes on in my left and that's "him" and he leaves me when I need him most.. He leaves when I'm crying.. Is it because he doesn't care? Or because he doesn't want to deal with my bullshit? Is it because in annoying him with my problems? I'm so confused.. He never tells me anything about him.. It's always about me and sometimes I wish it wasn't about my bullshit for once..
Well, everything in my life is falling apart.. I thought I would let y'all know.. We will see if I live through tonight with out killing myself..
And for everyone else.. Stay strong.. Don't turn into me.. Trust me! It's not fun!
16 mei 2013
- meld ongepast verhaal
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snooki
donderdag 16 mei 2013 02:15
Sorry for all the misspells and stuff.. Most of it is because I'm crying and some of it is because of auto correct and a small part is because I'm stupid
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JustAskSid
donderdag 16 mei 2013 22:17
Dear snooki,
Sometimes the girl who's always there for everyone else, needs someone to be there for her. I know exactly how you feel, it was like reading about myself. You hide all your tears underneath. You stop eating, you can't sleep, you get quiet, you probably cry at night in the dark, and sometimes you just wanna give up and be gone. I know how you feel. Things will get better. I promise. Yor a good person and you don't deserve to feel the way you do. Your not alone. Think of all the people who's life you've saved because of your advice. Take your own advice. Don't take your life. What is it really going to solve? If you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to message me here or at my email justasksid0@gmail.com. I hope to hear from you soon.
Stay strong,
Justasksid
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snooki
dinsdag 21 mei 2013 02:53
You just described me.. I do sit alone in my room and cry in the dark. I turned into this quite shy girl and everyone asks what happened to the old me. Just yesterday I wanted to be gone. Everything is falling apart and I can't stand it any longer. I'm trying my hardest to stay strong but after almost 3 years of hiding my tears and ignoring the fact that I don't belong is just getting so much harder..
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snooki
dinsdag 21 mei 2013 02:54
And call me Madison
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JustAskSid
dinsdag 21 mei 2013 06:44
Dear Madison,
Nice Name by the way. I know what it's like to hide all the tears and feel like your forced to smile for show. Its not healthy. I know you feel like there is a part of you missing and you dont know what it is. Find out what you feel you need in order to be truly happy. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was close to taking my own life. The desc-ion felt right at the time. But i thought about all of my friends,family, but most importantly myself. Taking my life wasn't going to solve anything, it would only make matters worse. I took off my mask and yes people noted i was more quiet and different but at least they were seeing ME. I know you want nothing more but for someone to see YOU, the real you. Take your mask off and dont be afraid of the changes that comes with it. Sometimes the change is what we need to stop the feeling You were put on the earth for a reason and maybe its to help people like you and me out of these situations. You will never be alone.
Stay Strong,
Sid -
snooki
donderdag 23 mei 2013 03:41
There's a part of me that really wants to take this "mask" off but I just cant. I do want someone to see the real me but do you know how many people would walk out on me because of it? I never knew how strong I could be until I stopped... i stopped cutting myself and yes.. I do cut myself! I stopped for a while. A few months then I started again. You can see the cuts on my wrist right now. I cover my scars and my new cuts with bracelets. People never think anything would be under the bracelets because the way I act. I'm fake in front of everyone and I hate fake people but look at me. I'm fake. there's only a few people who know what I'm really like and one of them is this guy I'm madly in love with. He knows all my problems and how crazy I am. I know that it's not worth it to kill myself but there's one thing it will solve and that's all the pain inside of me. I would be free from it all. sure I would be hurting a lot of people that I left behind but if they really knew me then they would understand and be happy that I'm finally happy. sure, tears will fall if I do leave but one things for sure, they would be tears of joy. I cant show the real me.. I've hid the real me for so long that's its just to far gone. there's no why its coming back again. I'm sorry that it has to be this way but it is what it is. now where life will take me? I have no clue. I don't want to die but I'm ready for the day that I break and just want to go. I don't know how long it will be but I'm hoping its soon because this cold world is just to much for the little me.
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