what do i make of it ?

well that is a good question
i think i know what i make of it

you ask me to give you you back
well how am i supposed to give you you back when you are not ?

i remember the first, it was called
lets go back in history

my sister was called after you
cause you looked like my sister
or visa versa what should i say ?

then i was called kamakazie

or worse i was not yet born.

you were my sister when i was born
and i treated you awefull later on
i loved my sister, but she was also the older one
and i felt inferieur to her
perhaps my ego was too big

how is your nose anyway ?

well later i figured out my real name
the one i do not use too often
guess you know me by that name
and maybe you did not yet realize we are one and the same, that name and me
and then you will understand how it is that i can not give you you back
or at least not now, as i have not the ability
and you know that.

this might all seem vague for by standers
and you know that i would love to help
and with in my power i try to
i do.

when i saw a chance to change some i did
and then it all went down hill as you know
maybe it was needed to get going
to get this thing rolling
and maybe you know i did promise an encore
do you remember that bridge ?
those days of talks of things we could controle yet we had nothing to do with it ?
you want that back don't you
i know, i do feel the same
but i have a slight problem
and have not figured out a workaround
once i do i will restore and improve what we left behind in our escape
don't think i did not know
we escaped from death yet called it victory
i know i should have chosen different
but shit happens
reckless as i was
over causious as i am now
i would love to help
but i don't know how at the moment


i know what to make of it
and i try to reply to you
and i try to figure out how and what
and where is he ?
you know who i mean
he was there during the two moon junction
he looked and stared
talked and went away
cause he did not see me fit to do what needed to be done
or atleast that is how i think things went cause i do not get any replies.

i tried to give you guys all i had
tried to show the way to you
yet i think it all got fucked up
and fell in the wrong hands
or you have it and you are the wrong hands ?
no i guess you are not

i have tried to give you what i could, but i know other things bother me
i have a lot of fears
you can feel them, don't you !

what do i make of it
you know my first love
you know i try not to give in
you would not support me if i did
and if i did you would probably not even recognize me
i tried to give you the leads
the way and my tools
for that i have been fucked over a lot of times
they , yes they, know who i am
they can find me where ever when ever
i am practically trapped
yet i do realize my situation is nothing different from that of the angry sniper
do you understand what i am saying ?

i am fucking isolated
and what ever i do
i can not do good here
you damn well know all i ever did was misunderstood, even by you guys
and that will happen again and again
so i can now only react in the ways you give me
for you have my ways.

look i know i did shitty things and am responsible for a lot more than those ignorent pigs know
but i also know that if you would have trusted me
i could have done better.
but i don't blame you
maybe i would not have trusted me looking at me

but back to you
i know who it is
where it is is a different matter
i try to show myself every fucking time
and try to communicate when ever i can
but you know damn well she feels your fears
and projects them at me
yet you don't know shit about me
cause for all you know
i am just a changing ghost
while you might now realize this is home.
this vehicle
you have seen it
know its identity

contact me
and maybe i can do something in return

i am not a sociable guy
guess you have figured that out by now
in the attempts you have made
but do understand
it is hard for me down here

i am in the eyes of most
a monster.