after the deep
then it is here
i'm waiting for the moment
the last few days i have trouble keeping controle, it is too much too long too little
when i drive and see the road kill, i feel guilt because i drive in their world
when i drive i get sad and depressed
when i drive, it is better to be awake
cause i am not here, i am not driving
i am my own passenger
caught in a trance,
i might be the worst out there
aware and unaware at the same time
all on automatic
cause being awake means i need to cry
means i want to die
means i can only see my future crashing in the side of the road
i did not eat much this week
think i have had only half of what i need
and it is not because i don't want to eat
but because i have no energy left
because i have no time
because i am not
now i am finally home
and no one is there to keep me sane
but here i am
what i am not outside
here i can't cry
can't see the sadness and horrid things
how i long to die
cause i could not give this to any one
this is normal for me
this is what i am
down and going deeper
and some say what is it that you really want
and i say, the things i really can't
and they would say, but sure there are ?
and i reply, not by far
should i be selfish ?
should i go where i want ?
should i do what really can't ?
should i ?
still it would be best
for me to die.
i'm waiting for the moment
the last few days i have trouble keeping controle, it is too much too long too little
when i drive and see the road kill, i feel guilt because i drive in their world
when i drive i get sad and depressed
when i drive, it is better to be awake
cause i am not here, i am not driving
i am my own passenger
caught in a trance,
i might be the worst out there
aware and unaware at the same time
all on automatic
cause being awake means i need to cry
means i want to die
means i can only see my future crashing in the side of the road
i did not eat much this week
think i have had only half of what i need
and it is not because i don't want to eat
but because i have no energy left
because i have no time
because i am not
now i am finally home
and no one is there to keep me sane
but here i am
what i am not outside
here i can't cry
can't see the sadness and horrid things
how i long to die
cause i could not give this to any one
this is normal for me
this is what i am
down and going deeper
and some say what is it that you really want
and i say, the things i really can't
and they would say, but sure there are ?
and i reply, not by far
should i be selfish ?
should i go where i want ?
should i do what really can't ?
should i ?
still it would be best
for me to die.
28 sep 2007
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