Aftermath

Since the loss of the love of my life, I just feel like I need to grow more distant from my age group. There is no sense in approaching others. I feel emotionally disconnected from my peers. All that talk about egocentric success bullshit. There is only one success in my life and that is connection. Deep, intimate connection. Everything else is just temporal saturation and satiety. I loathe it, though at the same time I can feel a certain charm arising from this Western egocentric point of view. There are some aspects that are appealing. It's good enough for me. For now. And the now is where I am living in.

I just applied for a very small job at an organization that focusses on helping older people with all kinds of matters. My ex-girlfriend has a roommate who told me about it. You could work there for maybe 2 hours a week, in the weekend. Combining this with my full-time education and 12hours a week working + extra curriculum, I thought it would be good enough.

I used to think that old people were just a bunch of grumpy people. Luckily, I adjusted my stereotype image: grumpy people are grumpy people. Young people are young people and old people are old people. Shallow people are shallow people. Refined people are refined people. There is no causal effect between all these groups.

When my bridge partner helped me when I was emotionally very down, I met a few elderly people. There were two ladies in their late 80's and in their midway 90's respectively. They were so full of life, one of them received a new hip. it was so inspiring to see these ladies. That's when it came to mind that maybe elderly people are not that bad. And since I am studying for something in which I might end up working with elderly, I figured working for the previous mentioned organization would look good on my CV.

I like the stories the elderly people that I've met have told me. I like their analysis. I like how they tell me that I know so much for my age. I like their calm nature. I like being around them. So maybe other elderly would strengthen the positive image of them I've developed throughout these moments.

I am awaiting the response of the company. It would be nice to have an extra conversation partner or just someone to do social activities with, philosophizing, having a walk. Just thinking about doing those things make me feel calm inside. I am in need of people with knowledge that appeals to me.

My education is very interesting in the meantime. All these theories on coordination and dynamics are so refreshing and it makes you want to investigate and do some research yourself. I am following a course on programming as well, which is actually a real pain the ass but very informative. My plans for upcoming year are big and extensive. Even though I flunked three exams last period that I will need to retake, I would like to do a literature review on children with CP and coordination training. Furthermore I would like to be part of a research project concerning mobility in children with CP. Also, next year I am going to do a practical internship about measuring mobility in children at secondary schools.

Even though I am anxious to be social with peers, I (am) still (trying to) have an open mind and meet with them. Maybe I will be surprised one of these days. Humans will be humans, with flaws. I should have less expectations. As long as it makes me feel comfortable. Even if it's disconnected.