angry thoughts,

some say i got a lot of fear bottled inside,
well it is not fear, it is anger.

most people know i walk away when that comes
i will walk away when you are the subject of anger
but more important is that my anger does not have to be about you
when i walk away, this is often thought.

i'm sitting here, pissed at the world
cause with all i know and all i have learned in life
i know, my anger is sound.
but non of you can see it, most of you would not be able to see it.
and this is not ment as a push in your back,
it is ment as it is, you have not seen what i have seen
not been where i have been.
i don't expect that of you, but being me is prone to be
misunderstood.

i fought 30 years for my mother to know where i am
what i think and how i think
she finally knows and realizes, telling me she does not want to know
what i told her, cause it is hard to let go.
she might be able to let it go, cause she'll have non of the pains i have
only the pain of seeing her son in pain.

since the first days of life i have been angry at the world
and now i have come to realize what fuels my anger.
but i have to live with it
not you, you have to live with me or just avoid me
and if you don't avoid me i'll avoid you when you do not know
what i know, and live by it.
yes, i want people around me that live it,
if not, it will cause pain and suffering, cause we are not one.

i give up love life and what not to be real.
and no one can just walk in and think they can have a piece of me
no one,

i don't want you or any one to have the scars i have
i don't want any one to suffer and feel the pain like i do
but i do want them who are in my life to be true
true to life and love, not ego and money
those can not go together, are not even on the same page.
in all the links i put out here, you can make a picture
and that picture is close to reality
not that what TV calls reality, or what politics call reality
those things are made up, for you to believe in
to trust and follow.
but non of those things are REAL !
it is all a lie.

they want you to believe, cause they give you what you believe
and because you and the rest believe you think it is true
it is the truth and reality that they give you
well it is not.
it is proven that it is not.
but if you don't look deeper and choose not to look deeper
who am i to tell you what is reality
i would just walk away in anger
cause they have even poisoned you.

you should not feel what i feel
nor live what i have lived
but it would be nice
if there were more out there that opend their eyes
and saw reality as it is, untainted by the lies you believe.

believe is broken when truth is given.
give yourself the chance to get truth.
cause all you believe that is real
is but a play of smoke and mirrors
a joke to keep you all occupied
so you do not go out to seek the truth.

can you see my anger ?
just imagine what i wrote is real,
can you imagine my anger ?
if you are nearly alone in the world ?
and every one else is just fucking things up for all of us ?
while you try to hold on and fight for what is true ?

just imagine it.

imagine this.
you have seen a monster in the lake
but no one was there with you,
you don't get any support for yur findings
how would you feel ?
when you know it was and is real ?

or if you have kissed the man of your dreams,
like a movie star as picted so often in commercials.
all your friends would talk behind your back saying you're a nut.
how does that make you feel ?

go there, go and find truth,
if you are lucky you might find
true peace.