another war story

once there was this great war
well i don't realy know how big it was
but it was big to me

as a child i was caught in the middle
and had to fight my way to adult hood
at first i fought all i could
friend foo there was none
all was enemy to me
later on i gained support
and a small fraction was formed

as a demon
as a practisioner of magic
i had some controle over the group
but then again
they had controle over me
as the fight became more their fight not mine

in the easy moments i experimented
with all i could
a lab for chemicals
a test ground for weapons
and real fights to gain my skills

but the enemy came close
even in my house
my wife had to do as if she did not know me
she had to do as if i was not there
my kids didn't even know my name
and it felt as one big shame
the war consumed me
and my life
it later even killed my kids
raped and murdered my wife

the fights were all i had left
i was confinced of victory
as my hate grew
but within the little group
wich had become an army
spies were present
and no order was unchecked

there was this battle
for what ever seemed important
i had killed many already
blood covered my entire body
pools of blood lay where the bodies stank
the war was out of my controle
and i felt it was going down

then in the aftermath of that big fight
i saw a man lying
near his death
gurgling in his own blood
and i felt pitty
for the first time

that killed me
because as i stood over him to help
help him to survive
for the first time i did some good i thought
he rose up
his bloody body reached out
and he shot me

i knew it was not like the other shots
this one was the killer shot
and as i fell
they surrounded me
from all sides
the one who shot me
i later saw in a train
he feared me
as i knew
he thought i was dead

may be i am
like my wife and kids
for they don't recconize me
and i find it hard to believe
oh how i love them
but they will never know
they will never know