Can I go...?

Can I let go, give up, and fly away?
Would you stop me, would you even care?
Would you notice, or try to make me stay?

Too much pressure, have no trust
Not willing to go further, I see no future for myself
Have no will to live anymore
I want to get some rest, get away from myself

I see people having normal lives
They deserve it, I see their future lying ahead
But my own, I have none
Just a black hole, seems like I’m dead

I don’t know what to do
I’m gonna disappoint people if I don’t pass this year
The past year will then be useless, thrown away
And I have nothing, and that’s my fear

They all expect so much of me
They seem to have some sort of plan
For me, what to do, and how to do it
But I don’t see how, and I don’t think I can

All I need now is rest, no pressure
I don’t want to think about my future
Because it scared me, and I would so love to go away
So I would not have to go to all of this I now endure

Home alone right now, for three more weeks
Barely eating, losing weight once again
It feels good, but I’m so fucking scared
I don’t want to be alone, because then

I would have to occupy my mind
Which I can for a while, but not for long
When I begin to think about all kind of things
I get scared, and I can feel it going wrong

The cutting, gets so much worse
Because I’m alone, all the pressure and the usual things
The scars on my wrist, my legs
I hate them, and I’m scared for what the future brings

I don’t want to think about it
I would just like to end it all
I’m home alone, no better time then now
No one would be around when I fall

No one would notice if I kill myself
Maybe after a few days they’ll start wondering
Where is she? Have you seen her lately?
They may try to call, but the phone would just ring

They should have seen it coming
I told a few people of my suicidal way of thinking
They didn’t even care, or so it felt
Didn’t understand why, and began talking about another thing

I don’t want to die, I just want to get away
To have so rest, peace and nobody pressuring me
To have some time to figure things out
But the way things are now, I don’t want to be

Someone, please see that I’m not alright
Hold me, listen to me, and never let me go
You don’t have to help me, just be by my side
So I can have someone to hold to, and they would know

I would no longer have to hide
Wouldn’t have to wear a mask, and cry behind a smile
It would help, when I know they really care
And will be there for me, even if it takes a while

But I’m still afraid, when I tell them this
Will they really do this for me? I doubt it
Who would really want to listen to me, I’m fucking crazy!
And would they understand? I think not even a bit

Even I don’t get myself, so how could they?
So many times I get tired just of being me
No, killing myself would seems to be the right thing
I wouldn’t bother them anymore, letting them be

I’m sorry, for everything, for being the way I am
Didn’t ever meant to be this way
Wish I could change it, but I don’t see how
Right now, I don’t want to stay