guys... I'm so scared...
This past week has been a hard one. I kept having panic attacks in school which required me to be stared at by everyone and make me look like a freak. Josh asked me out. Which was good and all... But now I'm having panic attacks at the thought of kissing him or anything. I told him I cut. And he's the only one who knows. He was caring, and reacted a lot better than I expected... But when I went to school the next morning he just kept staring at my wrist and it made me so uncomfortable... I don't know what to do anymore... And honestly I'm having panic attacks multiple times a day. And when I'm not I just feel depressed because of it. And on top of that my dad isn't responding and the fact that he is responding to my brothers makes me sure that he hates me. I'm terrified. I can't live in a constant cycle of have a panic attack- feel super depressed-cut-have a panic attack. I don't know what to do anymore... And I can't tell my dad because he doesn't care about me. And I'm scared to tell my mom anything due to several reasons.
23 mei 2013 - bewerkt op 23 mei 2013
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snooki
vrijdag 24 mei 2013 01:46
hey, calm down. My names Madison. I don't know if you read any of my story's but I cut myself too. My dad doesn't like or care about me either and honestly, I don't give a fuck If he does or doesn't. I'm scared to tell my mom things too. Today, two guys I like a lot were at my lunch table with me and my friend. Well, one of them decides to take one of my bracelets off because it was "cool looking" and since its a snap on bracelet thingy well.. he took it off and saw my cuts and so did the other guy. I felt so awkward because they had no clue did it so it was a shock to them and they just kept looking in my eyes and then down at my wrist. I'm so use to being hated and stuff it didn't quite bother me as much but your different. Look, I don't really know you and all but don't care what others thing. I go to school for two reason and two reasons only. My best friend and my only friend and then college. I'm trying to be better in school so i can get a good job and move as far away as possible from this state and my parents. I sit alone in class and I walk alone in the hall ways. I always have a jacket or long sleeves on. I always wear jeans too. I don't like to show my skin very much because where there's skin, there's scars. What I'm really trying to say is. Just, don't care what other people think. Be yourself like me. It doesn't matter if you have no friends or not. Go to school and do your best and hurry up and get through school so you can move out and everything will be somewhat better. Look, I may not of helped you on that because I hate school. Everyone hates school. Just be yourself and if no ones there then they never really were there. They pretended like they cared but never did. Look at me. I have one friend and when I say one friend I mean ONE friend. Well, good luck to you. Just remember, fuck people.
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snooki
vrijdag 24 mei 2013 01:49
think*
Sorry I haven't got much sleep so my eyes are all closing and stuff and "thing" and "think" are kinda close. well yeah.. you get the point...
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- O 05 feb 2012 Moving up
- O 04 feb 2012 For the girls ;)
- O 03 feb 2012 I think too much :P ( 1 )
- O 02 feb 2012 Bleh, J got me in trouble
- O 01 feb 2012 People can be so stupid ( 6 )
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- O 31 jan 2012 Silence
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- O 25 jan 2012 First entry