horrid truth

i can see all that happend
i can imagine the feelings
the dirt the violation the pain the fear the weakness and selfdoubt
but i can never feel like a woman

i can even discribe the color of the clothes
the room or place where it happend
sometimes even the weather

i have heard and read too many stories
but they never seem to stop

once i said i could understand the violator
i could understand what drives some one to do it
i know why and how, what and when
i can even feel the joy of it all
the anger and the low selfesteam

i never done some thing like that
but it feels like i did
cause i can see trough their eyes when i read those stories
i can see it from a distance
and sometimes i can see it through the victims eyes
and all that comes with it

sometimes i can see faces
sometimes i see them on the street
sometimes i can feel one near
a victim or violator, sometimes i can feel it

victims have an tainted aura
most violaters are dim and black (black aura not skin.)

the worst is the smell
the screams i can not hear but see them
no sounds make it even more intrusive
powerless and weak when it comes to me
visions when i read or hear about these things

i will not be the sad one
i am sad because these things happen
sad for you, so you can be strong
i don't need to be strong, nothing ever happens to me here
all my feelings and deep emotions come from the other side

i hate to feel this way
but i do.

people ask me why i don't socialize much
why i hide inside

well now you know
i know how the monsters feel
and it scares me to death

they said i was to do so
she said it felt like
ever since
i am hollow
and will never be innocent again

i should have died
i should have killed myself
but i did not
knowing it will only get worse
i knew that i could at least try
try to do something

now you know why
i am but a servant

i'm sick of myself, not because i can see and hear and read
but because i can feel and because i made people feel bad
people i love, they fear me*sometimes*, i on myself