I don't even...

A lot has happened during these 24 hours. I was even debating on whether I should even write this down. I'm so used to keeping things bottled inside of me.

Yesterday, I went to go eat with the fam at an authentic Mexican restaurant. After we were all done eating my three older sisters come into our conversation. I am very protective over my mother, and my sisters are very disrespectful towards them. I was explaining to them that I am now the protector (Ever since my dad broke his neck last April; his strength has never been the same) of the house. I'm prepared to kick some major ass. I'm stronger, quicker, and faster than all three of them. I am the baby, and I get treated like one. It's time for my voice to be heard. I'm just saying.
My oldest sister came on topic at dinner. My mom and her had some disputable confrontation a year ago on Thanksgiving break. It wasn't anything major, just mom talking to her about her excessive flirting with one of the sister's husband (soon-to-be ex-husband. ironic). She absolutely blew the fuck up. Of course, I was pissed from an earlier fight and went upstairs to sleep my steam off; I heard none of this. To be honest, I wish I did. I tend to be the peace maker in the house.. sometimes. Well, my oldest sister decided that this all happened because my mom is jealous of her, because MY mother wasn't able to enjoy her 20s and she was able to enjoy hers. Partying and drugging it up all night long.
I was talking to my mom at dinner, and was explaining my point of view on the whole situation. I included that at the time later in your 20s that maybe you did have some regret and tha-
That moment was when my dad cut me off, started getting angry, like I was hurting my mom. He knows better to get in between my mom and I. I love my mom. I was so hurt, that tears started to swell in my eyes. I said these words to him while shaking my pointer finger at him, "I love my mom, and I would never say anything to hurt her. So, stop talking bullshit and shut the fuck up." He responded, "The truth hurts." LOL. mmkay dad. Looking back at it now. That was a pretty lame comeback. 'nuff said. That deserved a golden star with "COOL STORY BRO" written on it. Seriously.

I got up and left the table, they shortly followed after me. I got in the back of the truck and held back my tears. I decided that today is the last day I'm going to cry. We got home. First one out of the car and into the house, up the stairs and in my bed. I decided to do homework, work on a project that's due next week. I'm still pissed at my dad's comments. How could he have said that? He knows how strong the bond is my mom and I have. He knows better than that to say those words.

Well, he came upstairs, I was automatically like, "No. I don't want to talk right now. I don't want to talk. Leave my room." This is when I got up, anger building inside of me. I told him that if he wasn't going to leave my room then I was. I proceeded to leave and scooted in front of me, blocking my pathway. I screamed for him to leave me alone. He started pushing me, I started to push back, then he was backing me up, I punched him in the nose, knocking his glasses to the floor. He then tried to put my in a headlock, and I decided to wrap my arms around his waist, and try knocking his feet out from under him. i lost my footing and he now had me pinned against the floor. I squirmed, and then relaxed, took a deep breath and pushed him the fuck off of me. I got free of his grip.and had my back against the closet door. He still tried coming after me. Wtf? He tried to restrain me from getting up. The only way I could keep him away from my upper body was pushing him back was with my legs. He grabbed for my head (such a cheater's move) and pushed my head down. My chin was now touching my chest. I couldn't breathe. My wind was cut off. He didn't let go for a good moment. I was so fucking scared. I couldn't breathe. I was being choked by my own father. When he released I reached up and slapped him in the face screaming, "You sick bastard, I couldn't breathe!". I went after me again and I started kicking him as hard as I could. This was when my mom came in the room and told him to get away from me.
My dog, Buster, came in and jumped into my lap, licking the tears away from my face. I was huddled into a corner, my knees up, crying and screaming for him to get the fuck out of my room and my life. I was screaming that I hated him and I want nothing to do with him ever again. He came back with a stupid comment like this is his house and he'll leave when he wants to. I told him to fuck off and that I'll just pack my bags and leave this hell hole. He grabbed my computer and phone(like that will do it, dad. Thanks) and peaced the fuck out. My mom came over, and I cringed from her touch. I didn't want her touching me. I was so frightened by the fact that my dad almost killed me. He was choking me, and I couldn't breathe for a good minute. I was now sobbing, I couldn't cry anymore. It was done. I was over it. It took me at least 20 minutes to embrace my mom. I told her about him almost killing me.
30 minutes came around and my dad came back in my room. I told him that I still don't want to talk. He said it was fine and that he was giving my stuff back, and that he was sorry about what just happened. My mother chimed in and told him that he almost killed me. That was when my dad broke down and started crying, and I gave him a hug and told him it was okay. In all honesty, I know he didn't mean to hurt me. He was just simply restraining me from leaving my room by pinning me down to the floor.
I told my parents "I will never be like my sisters. Ever. I'm not like them. Nor do I think like them. Drinking excessively and doing drugs is just not how I want my life to be like. It's a poor excuse to have fun. Trust me, I had thoughts about smoking pot or going out to parties and getting fucked up, but I soon reasoned that the only aftermath of doing those things is that I would gain absolutely nothing except losing the self-respect I had and the dignity of my action."
I told my dad that I love him and I'm sorry for punching him in the face. We're happy now. My neck is sore, his back is sore. It's a little reminder that violence is never the answer to solve your frustrations and arguments. You're only going to get hurt in the end.

We're now a loving. My mother, father, and I.
I love my parents, and I'm glad I have them in my life.



http://youtu.be/UfTfHTUUee4


The best friend and the amazing love-bond in between her and my dog, Billy. Teaches me how to express my resentment in a more loving and understanding way.




I'm glad I wrote this [: