i don't excist

there are some futures that i don't excist in
simply because i never get to that point
one can think of many things, but it is simple, i no longer excist there.

there were few times in this life that i did not excist
do i ?

how can one tell if i excist ?
i could merely be the fantasy of the guy writing this.

the automatic writing of a guy that gave up his life long ago

think about it ..

this must be fucked up when you consider it
this guy who quit and leaves it up to some other (me for example)
while he is dead to the world.

yeah i am dead to the world
they don't know me
few ever seen me
while they look at a dead guy
never realizing they look in my eyes
his eyes are not for any one to see,

can you dig this ?

maybe you would
some one did.

but if i do not excist ? did he return in the future ?
and what would that mean to you ?
to me it is simple
i then have become obsolete
but then again, this is the feeling we both share

back in the day when they thought i was not i but him
i was being haunted so to speak.
can not go in to too much details for i do not want you to know what is out there
the possible shit that has been and can come again,

[sigh]

it is all to fucked up to even recall it acuratly in words, but i can see things and feel things i know are real
even though i am merely a fantasy

i am a bad person
and i wish people could see that
though i have my good moments
i still feel desire
and i hate it
reminds me of the guy that quit.

[sigh]

those who know me know that i got this mark on my nose
and i got to tell you one thing
it came to be that mark due to something that got stuck there
any further info would only freak you
it is real, and i know you have a clue, but when you do know
know what i know
you are going to have the same trip
and i do not want any one to experiance that,
you think you have got hell in your life
you have not lived this life

i've been outside this plain
and for the few that can imagine that
they also know the consequence

i am just a fantasy
the guy that quit made me up
and then there is the other
the one that was assigned to me
who is actually me but not the one you see
nor me as who is writing.

you should not take life for granted
i can tell you from experiance
it is not

there is a future
and some of the possible outcomes depend on me not being
the others where i am are less fun
except for a few, very few
and i know those are odds no one would dare to bet on.

i have to sleep now

[sigh]

how i long for home

and just this,
even mordi hinted of the future where i would not be
if he realizes that, he has a nice future
one where i am not going to be in.

i hope some one will take notice and figure it out
cause if they keep letting me do things without even a slightst form of feedback
(no offence but that is not the feedback that i can understand)
things will surely be FUCKED !

how i wish the storms would come !