i feel like ...

I just don't know anything anymore, i'm tired to for being confused.
I am sick of getting used. I do not know what to do.
All explodes inside my head. Fucking no one sees this pain, my other side.
I cover it with a fake smile. Sometimes someone notice that there is something wrong.
My father noticed yesterday when I was talking to him.
He told me that i didn't acted normal. I looked toward the ground and said softly "I do not know."
I feel scared, confused and i feel a painful emotion battle coming my way.
Will i win? Of course not, but still i will try. I will die fighting.
So people can know, you make the rules, but you have to let your kids make their own mistakes.
Here is my biggest mistake:
There is no end to it.
Still not running.
Still fighting .......