I'm staying.
Honestly, there's these times when I wonder "How long can I last?". The nights when I have.. 1.2.3.4.5. Panic attacks. In a row. Back to back. Those are when I'm weak. When I'm doing everything I can, but everything isn't much, to just stop the urges. I feel insane. I feel crazy. I feel like everyone, EVERYONE, would be better off without me. Sometimes I become overwhelmed, the thought crosses my mind "A slice to the arm would solve this all." But no. It does not. The red marks on your arm, they're a constant reminder, of what happened late that night, the thoughts you experienced. Everything that caused those scars? They stay with the scars.
I'm staying. Suicidal thoughts are strong. But not as strong as me. Urges to selfharm. Yeah, they're strong too. But, I'm not giving up. Never. Sure, I will be in pain. I will be hurting. I will cry. I will want to die. I can make it through though. I will make it through. Tonight, despite all my troubles, I can see this.
Despite the facts. Despite the fact that panic attacks are getting more frequent, more severe. Despite the fact that my depression is getting more severe. Despite the fact that the odds are against me... Despite everything. I will stay strong. For the few things that keep me going. Keep me living.
Stay strong lovelies,
Opal.
I'm staying. Suicidal thoughts are strong. But not as strong as me. Urges to selfharm. Yeah, they're strong too. But, I'm not giving up. Never. Sure, I will be in pain. I will be hurting. I will cry. I will want to die. I can make it through though. I will make it through. Tonight, despite all my troubles, I can see this.
Despite the facts. Despite the fact that panic attacks are getting more frequent, more severe. Despite the fact that my depression is getting more severe. Despite the fact that the odds are against me... Despite everything. I will stay strong. For the few things that keep me going. Keep me living.
Stay strong lovelies,
Opal.
03 jul 2013
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