Mijn Onbereikbare Liefde #

He inspires such wild creativity in me. Amongst the kindling of his company I feel it rise in me like a flame and I begin to see poetry on every street corner, and in the blinding light of every star, as though the whole world has become a blank page begging for the language of his heart.

During Valentines day in india ( i was there for work) i saw everybody texting and calling the person they love specially in the bollywoon scenes Valentine is a big thing. So the guys took their girlfriends on a romantic dinner in special restaurants they actually cannot afford and have to work almost a month for.

Love is sucha strange thing... pure love, it was nice to see because the live in tradition , love is what keeps them strong and a motivation to survive. After all isnt it love that everybody is seeking for or to be loved.

i became emotional when everybody was busy with it, the loneliness kicked in. I am succesfull and my carreer keeps growing and growing. But it's lonely on the top, i wish it was him who could just touch my shoulder and that he would say stop.

I am becomming the person who i really never wanted to be, my former CEO. He was hiding his pain inside his work, and i notice that i have been doing the same thing. Hiding pain inside work, making long hours to pass time.

About 3 weeks ago, i figured i had nothing to lose so i was hoping that he would reply me. Kevin always gave me that safe feeling and i really miss that a lot

I wrote him that i was wondering how he was doing, a text that he could ignore but also could reply and he did. We talked for a few days, it was like old times for a few moments. I was happy and wanted it to continue, but than it stopped again.

He is doing well, still single focussing on his carreer. for some reasons i hope that we could pick up the broken pieces but thats not going to happen. i dont know why i still had the hope. i guess it was because the other loves never gave me this feeling of caring and being missed.

After 5 years it's still hard to let go, i know i have to so in June i will follow up some therapy lessons for it.

While i am writing this, my tears do flow down on my cheeks. I wonder why the most beautiful thing in my life has been taking from me. People are bothering me telling me that a girl like me could simply move on , it's easy to have another partner etc. but thats my type/style.

For the last 2 months i have felt some bitterness in my veins, the things i do for love. I traveled a cross the world for it, but i couldnt find it.

Now i have to let it find me, it's not easy to be alone. Not easy at all, learning lessons in life.

How I wished for days to pass, and forget that they were my lifetime. ~

Powerful chemistry is more than a physical, intellectual or even spiritual attraction. It is an unexplainable air of pure, unadulterated energy that bridges and binds two seperate souls together.

One that can reinvigorate a heart in the span of a moment and dismantle it even faster.