More randomness

Science fact: If you took out all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

Based on a psychological study: a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you're already in love!

How come there isn't like an ‘adulthood-class’ teaching you how to operate a washing machine, pay taxes or make phone calls without crying?

"TIMBRE!" - French postal worker shortly before being crushed by a falling pile of stamps.

Just saw a fat ginger girl buying a rape whistle... gotta admire her optimism.

Time flies when you're throwing watches.

I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.

I hate when I don't forward a chain letter and then I die the next day.

"Listen............it's not you, it's me". Me telling somebody that I'm talking.

One thing that's always baffled me: how did those monkeys get the Statue of Liberty to their planet?

You remind me of my pinky toe because sooner or later I know I’ll bang you on a table.

Just so you know, porn films are a VERY unreliable guide to what happens when the police call you in for questioning.

Immo speak; 'onderhoudsvriendelijk' wil zeggen "we hebben alle groen weggedaan en klinkers of beton erover gegoten "

When you say: "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans", all I hear is: "There's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."

I hate it when I say something funny and then someone says it louder and gets all the credit.

Als ik er moet mee leven dat mijn bussen te laat komen, dan moet de buschauffeur er tegen kunnen dat ik sarcastisch applaudisserend opstap.

My girlfriend said she needed more space in our relationship. Can't wait until she sees the matching Astronaut outfits I got us.

If Sunday is a day of rest, does that mean all vicars are blasphemers?

If I hand you my phone to look at a picture, that does not give you ‘scrolling rights’.

There’s a special place in hell for people that tell you to calm down when you’re already calm during an argument.

In my ideal relationship, neither of us would be wearing the trousers.

B-E-F-O-R-E, not B4. We speak English, not bingo.

I love that banks put chains on their pens. Like that's what people go in there for hoping to steal.

I'm with Elvis: I love meat tender as well.

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’ld shit on.

What concerns me most about children viewing online porn is that it's giving them unrealistic expectations of pizza delivery times.

Drinking alcohol makes me an alcoholic. So does drinking Fanta make me fantastic?

There is no "I" in "team" ... but there are 3 U's in SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Schools have stairs so you can throw yourselves down them.

“You actually have friends?” "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"

You know it's cold outside when you go outside and trip over dog poop.

Whenever you feel sad just remember that there are billions of cells in your body and all they care about is you.

How on earth we go our entire childhoods without laughing at the word 'peacock'?

Whenever I see someone dancing badly, I like to pretend they're trying to get undressed without using their hands.

"Eat your vegetables, son, it puts hairs on your chest. Look, see: I'm as hairy as a gorilla." "Stop it mom, you're scaring me!"

You're not a true fan unless you hang from the ceiling and spin around in circles, providing cool air for everyone around you.

Paracetamol cures headaches, but also prevents them. Just follow the advice on the box: “KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.”

“I just need my own space.” – Selfish astronaut