self pitty

having no emotions is one thing
having lost the feeling of love is anotner
but this feels like ....................
knowing there is nothing to live for
but stupid things

yeah i will call all things stupid for this one

there is no motivation whatsoever inside, it is just the empty hollow machine that continues
why then write, well 777 ain't gonna
the monster ain't gonna and the god, well he's out

as far as i see it, there are only stupid things to live for now
things like work, family and social commitment

what the F is there,
all i really care about will never happen
NEVER !

so what is the point ?
must i get on with this life looking at the things that hurt and stress me ?
cause it will for all my life
it did for all my life
and i could only escape from the sight of it
not truely escape at all

and i know the things that put me down
they are so far a way
the bar is set too high
the line too thick to cross

love is just an escape
just a tool to blind my eyes
just a way of ignoring what is out there
just a way to ignore the world

the lack of love now
still i ignore the world
and still i am blinded
not by love
but desolation, isolation

soft comfort when i lack feelings like now

you know i will never amount to any thing
even for my friends i will never be one they can build upon
i will always fade away
like a sea shore
i will come and go like the waves
and when i storm, i will claim my lands
i will only hurt

life is pointless
life is just a continuation of suffering
and i am not even suffering the feelings

so, what's next ?
when i die, some fool thinking he can put god to waste
being judged for my sins
they will ask, why did you not live life to the fullest
and i will reply:
to live life to the fullest would mean, to live life and to ignore all forms of respect for the world you live in

the man will look down upon me and say:
those are harsh words, those are not mine.
and i will reply.
you have no respect, not for life, not for the world and not for yourself
at least i tried to respect life, otherwise i would have been so much earlier!
and if i have the chance, i would kill them both,
useless fuck ups !

there is this feeling of HATE ?
know that hate can only excist when love is present
HATE is just the extreme love of the thing that the object of hate threatens

slowly i realize
i love too little to hate
hate too little to love
and that came to me
because you all will not allow
love to walk free

when ever i speak of love
spoke of love
i got replies of hate
replies of fear
replies of denial

but in the end
no one spoke the truth
no one wanted to admit

you leave me stranded
you left me behind
the others will pick him up
yeah what others ?

they just wanna ruin a world so filled with beauty
they just wanna consume and claim it as their own
destroy all that is precious
and return only crap in return

can you feel my FUCKING LOVE !
know that i will suffer
like the lands that are destroyed
drown like the islands in the passific

don't worry
i'll survive
and i wish i would not
you should have wished that too
it is only suffering that comes my way

you think that would ever give me hope
you think that will make me love ?
you think i would get any better from this ?
when all i have in front of me is knowing that i will suffer

don't even try to speak of self pitty,
you would not know what i am talking about
and the few who do

blind your eyes
deafen your ears
numb the mind
and be a part of them
join the idiots
and pray for my death
i will never be happy and content