Should I?

Hello Monday,

it hasn't been well today for to many reason and for to many secrets iv been holding back.
two years ago i had a really harsh relationship with this boy. we had to end our freindship because he was going away from my country and ofcourse i was going to be left alone. i suffer after he left, and its been really hard for me to get over him. So this year iam really happy about my self because i decided to move foward in life because i cant wait my entire life to see if he ever reture back. i started liking a boy in my school iam only 17 yrs old not really outgoing and not really experience from life. i really wanna cry while im typing this because it bring me back memories its better for me to move and see wtz up? iam really scared and confuse at the sametime because i really do like the new guy but im ashame of asking him out since its been to long since i had dated. today around school iv been asking for advice to see if its okay to asks guys out.
Plus i honestly feel lonely, i have to use a rubber band to calm my anger and my self stress...(i dont wanna cut myself again) my mother found out i did so i had to change the knife to a rubberband ): lol
so should i tell the guy that i like him?
i dont wanna keep on having dreams that keep on telling me that i should go ahead and do it. im afraid what if he says no! im sure his not the only guy in the world but trust me all guys tell me im ugly and ughh!! i just dont wanna be lonely. i have that empty space in my heart i just want to fill it in with lov i know something is missing.. i need help?