strange mind

there is something
something i have to write
but i lost it in my mind
it is hiding

the mind works in strange ways
as i find myself in a state of emotionless being

but even that fades and fear takes hold
some say my actions are fear based
but i don't know
if you dig deep enough you can reduce everything to fear
if you dig further you can find love
if you dig in an other way you will find other emotions

i have no idea of what i was supposed to write

i may have let you down
you as those whom i consider friends
by not telling what is inside

inside

i can only tell of things on the surface
one that is ever in motion
what lies underneath may surface tomorrow
what makes up the core may be top side next year

inside is a strange place

do you believe in god ?
god what is god anyway
i have my ideas

oh hey wait
i have got it

today i killed mosquitos
enough
and with every kill
i have no regrets
but i feel bad
and i excuse my ill behaviour
ask for forgiveness from the mosquito
for just doing my work

guess it is strange
we still live in the world where death is required

i have a strange inside
insight

god might be a mosquito
and you can kill it with ease without repent
without any thought
other than just a bother of it being there and tryinig to survive

what faith would you show
is you did not even apologise

i still think
god is not a being, but a moment
and i have failed
if the mosquito was god
then god in that moment of the kill died
and passed on to the next

i have got a strange inside
insight


dreams have returned
and for those who eat with me
i will be eating fast, faster again

there is a war inside my head

there is a fine line
between what the truth is and what you want to be the truth

i am sorry that i did not come for help to my friends
i surpassed you for someone you could call outsider

he looks like someone
and it fuels my search
and it does not hurt to see him like this
as he has no links to me personaly

most of you do have strange links i can not explain
though some have clues to figure it out

my mind is not like yours
but not much different

remember
the mosquito might be god
or just an other live trying to survive