Constatine

I realized today that I'm human. I don't want you to roll your eyes at me, muttering under your breath at how obvious the fact is that I just stated. I don't want you to lift your eyebrows and sneer at me. I don't even want you to comment on my profound thinking. All I want you to do is listen. Listen to my pleas, my hollow words of how 'I'm fine, I'm perfect, I'm whole'. Just listen to me for one second. I'm screaming out to you, but you can't hear me above the world's white noise. I'm so insignificant. You don't realize this, you don't try to look deeper into my eyes to see the pain, the anguish. You take my word, never thinking twice. All I ask is for that second glance.
I'm human, I get hurt. I feel, I cry.

I cried today. It's been quite a long time since I last cried. I didn't cry for myself, in retrospect, I cried for all the other people out there who are just like me. Stuck and alone. Surrounded by people who don't care enough to listen, to see. To notice the trivial matters of the heart.

All I'm asking is to be seen as a person, a human. As someone who needs to be loved, held, spoken to with your whole heart. The simple phrase "how are you?" is ridiculous and an outright oxy-moron. If you even cared, you'd sit the person down, look into their eyes and ask them how they truly are. A passing question that leads to false answers. What's the point? It builds up pain subconsciously.

I cried today for all I've been through in my short life. When I look back on it, I seem so minuscule. Never accounting for a moment where I truly felt loved. It's a sad existence when you can only remember one small experience when you felt a person's love for you.

I used to push it all away, throw the pain to the swirling wind. What's in the past, is forever in the past. End point. Period. Done. But far from over. Each time I'm neglected, over-looked, ridiculed, it tears at my heart, shredding it slowly the only way it knows how. I push it away, reviling for a bit in the emotional cessition. But the pushing just makes it worse, because at night, it always comes back to haunt me.

Today I learned that being human means encapsulating the realms of human emotions. That love really does exist and it's not some fairy tale enhanced fiction. It's almost a tangible object that just remains out of your reach until you finally give up on it. Where then it is released from it's prison and given to you rightfully. The greatest things in this world are love and happiness and I tried to hard to achieve them.

Who knew I had to give up my foolish passions and facade of a perfect life. To forfeit my so-called happiness. I threw it to the wind, all my walls that kept the inner me concealed. When I looked up after the walls fell, it was like a miraculous sunrise.

Morgan