giving in

caving in is more like it
no just gave in
could not stand it any more
the hurt the pain the agony

the constant fear
the neverending love
oh how i could do such thing
how easy it would have been for you

all you had to do was say you were sorry
say that you pushed to far again
but insted you pushed me over

i gave in to what obviously was your request
if that is not so obvious, how then could this happen ?

you wanted me to give in
and if not, what else is there ?
you knew my state of being
the fragility of my feelings
and you pushed
when you should have pulled
you knew you should have pulled
and how often you have said you knew
you wanted to pull insted of pushing
but you pushed me

back in to my black cold heart
my dark dirty and angry me
how i wanted this not to happen
how i fought to keep this side clean from you
and you just pushed
as if you thought this was best
sure, if you had the guts

so weak
so sick
foolish
you will not have learned shit
you will not have loved anything here

you just pushed me away
and i think that is what you wanted
well you got what you wanted
not the way you wanted it, but you have got it
take it and call it freedom
you have pushed me over the edge
you gave me freedom to say what i felt in a harsh manner
and although every one thinks this would help
this does not help me

i am not mad at you
i am to stuborn to think and feel that
i know better
i hate what and who made you
i hate what you hold dear
but not you
you love
and you don't even know it

i gave in
well fuck
better to give in, then to die
i gave in to you
when i had no more choises left
and no space to breath
i gave in to flight
when you pushed me over the edge

dark wings return
demons will come again
for some time i will fight again
have horrid dreams
scars you will never see

but i will not fall for your lies again
not for your love, nor your lust or greed
and surely not for your ego
and the worst thing is
you don't even realize the complications

wish things were different
but they are not
they suck and bleed
the world is not like me
more like you
guess you'll fit in nicely
atleast better than i ever will
and you could not live with that

you just pushed it away
like most others
you push away what you need
and pull that what you can do without
you give in to all i reject

EGO