hihihi

Deze tweets hebben toch menig glimlach/bulderlach uit mij tevoorschijn gekregen :

Teacher: What's the opposite of laughing? Student: Fucking! Teacher: How's that? Student: Laughing is ha..ha..ha & Fucking is ah.. ah.. ah..

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

If I was stranded on a desert island & could only bring 1 thing, I would bring Dora. That girl has everything in her backpack.

$2.75 Trojans or $19.99 Huggies? You make the decision.

I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.

I hate when I throw my phone onto my bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.

*Woman gives birth* Woman: I think I'll name her Megan. Doctor: I'm sorry, but that name's already taken. May I suggest Megan343 or Megan_12

There seems to be an awful lot of rap music about female dogs.

It's very hard to describe someone as judgemental without feeling slightly hypocritical.

Volgens mij wordt er wereldwijd in joggingsbroeken vaker op banken gelegen dan echt gejogged.

if robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money I'd just laugh and search with them

Kat wil buiten. Kat waait weg. Kat kwaad op mij omdat ik ze buiten laat. #onnozelbeest

I pretend to write the numbers 1-9 in little boxes. It's a Pseudoku.

A friend of mine once said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.

A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten"

You have just begun reading the sentence you just finished reading.

Two dyslexics run into a bank and shout, "Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland Left. So they started crying & headed home.

I have a stepladder it's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder

If you have a baby pig and lift it once everyday, would you not be able to lift it one day or would you be the ultimate pig lifter?

My girlfriend just texted me saying, "I want you to get me all wet when I get home " So I got 15 water balloons ready.

If moonlight is just reflected sunlight, then wouldn't vampires burn at night too?

I don't believe Jesus really had a wife. I don't know any married men who can wear sandals and a beard and invite twelve friends to dinner.

Q