Lots.
So, I haven't been on in awhile... A lot has happened. a) new girlfriend 
Love you Saffy! b) School is finally fucking over... c) I've only relapsed once in a whole month.. So I'm stopping cutting. d) I'm at my dads for the summer. A few days ago my dad and I were in the car together and he was explaining his anxiety and PTSD... I wanted so bad to tell him..but I was too terrified to discuss with him my anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and self harm issues. He lectured me on how if I were to ever have any problems that I had to go to the doctor and get meds... The problem is.. 1) I have a fear of doctors.. I refuse to go to them usually and 2) seeing medication/talking about medication/taking medication is a trigger for my panic attacks (even a little shaky right now). So I haven't told my dad even though I could potentially get help for these problems. Last night was really hard for me... I had panic attacks back to back, and fainted a few times. I was kinda really tired of it and wanted to just tell my dad right then and there.. but I started to get urges.. and it sucked... It also was super hard to resist because theyre were 6 razors right next to me.. But I managed to do it. I just don't know if I should tell my dad. and If I do tell my dad I don't know what to tell him and how to do it and when...
Love you Saffy! b) School is finally fucking over... c) I've only relapsed once in a whole month.. So I'm stopping cutting. d) I'm at my dads for the summer. A few days ago my dad and I were in the car together and he was explaining his anxiety and PTSD... I wanted so bad to tell him..but I was too terrified to discuss with him my anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and self harm issues. He lectured me on how if I were to ever have any problems that I had to go to the doctor and get meds... The problem is.. 1) I have a fear of doctors.. I refuse to go to them usually and 2) seeing medication/talking about medication/taking medication is a trigger for my panic attacks (even a little shaky right now). So I haven't told my dad even though I could potentially get help for these problems. Last night was really hard for me... I had panic attacks back to back, and fainted a few times. I was kinda really tired of it and wanted to just tell my dad right then and there.. but I started to get urges.. and it sucked... It also was super hard to resist because theyre were 6 razors right next to me.. But I managed to do it. I just don't know if I should tell my dad. and If I do tell my dad I don't know what to tell him and how to do it and when...
29 jun 2013
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