so i am stuck

wtf i am stuck
here in this body of fear
lost in the world of cost
reality has become a vitality
far i will not come not knowing what we are
he knows the pain
we all are Fucking insane
remember what
i just fall to pieces
like you said sadly said
it's so much better picking them up alone

where do i belong
you know damn well
aren't sure if you can tell
afraid you might be wrong
please fuck me up in another song

you know she left me
not the otherway around
i know how it sounds

don't pick my feelings
pick them apart
throw them away
i have got to do something
some other day

don't make them yours
don't use them
have your own
i have non that are real
you know i am not
not even near
just the fear
the pain
i am
call me insane

do i have to change ?
do i have to go
do i have to do
the things they told me to
or should i fight ?
oh the drugs so hungry
the love so needing
i start to cry
eyes bleeding

you know
you know the ugly truth
i was to be nothing
right from the start
even in my youth

what if faith was for me to die
or my fait was to die
would you lie
would you tell ?
i was born to go to hell ?

you ask me to fight
you ask me to rebel
just words you sell
or a wisdom you tell ?
and what does it matter ?
you know i fail
in all i do
i fail
just hoping
there is enough time to bail

dreams are just reminders
de ja vu's i miss so horribly
repetitions of things to come
what if
what if i could
what if i should
would i ?

love
sweet love
dear love
will you ever be enough
in this world ?
sweet love
will you save me
from this world ?

my love has failed me
or have i failed love
no one up there above
who gets me through
who shelters my feelings
i do not excist for your god
i have wasted their time too often
to much
the bodhidharma's
the holy
what ever is out there
i used them up
i have betrayed their care

with any luck
some fool will kill me
so i am unstuck

tired and i had enough
i do not want to kill
but that is my fait
to kill and to die
fait is cruel
fait is a tool
to make me cry

my dreams tell me terrible things

i am powerless
give me back my alcohol
back my drugs
i am powerless
but strong enough to deny those things
that make me stronger
makes me weak
i have no voice
i can not speak
it is just the pain and fear
that is all you hear

give me back my love

remember when i asked to take my power
is that the thing i regret ?
powerless as i am
i have to get back
to where i started
but that is not the starting point
so guess what
i was not even in the race

i was to die
i was to kill
so please do that
or give me back
the things that gave me
power
the will to go on
the strength to change
this horrible world

and then i will die
might kill one or two
just for love
just for you

i am so sorry
i know you hate me to say that
i am so sorry

i never ment to hurt you
i never ment to scare you
never ment to harm you
forgive me
but never forget

to forget is to make the same mistake twice
please remember
i have never hurt you
and all i did
i did out of love
sadly
that love is depleated
i near my end

please
don't just be a dream

some say there is only me
only me
but i love you
i love you

tears run down my face
in this home or just this place
home is where the hearts at
this is not a place of heart
just the pain

please
remember
only this day
please remember
some of the good things i might be