fml

Hello I am new, I found this place in hopes for somewhere I can write freely without people judging what I write. Facebook is good however everything is so public people like friends, family and boyfriends family wants to befriend me I cannot say no it would be rude, it means I cannot put personal thoughts on Facebook for the whole world to see. I was born with a birth defect called Golden Har, it effects the face while growning inside my mom, my face wasn't fully grown, I had a massive over bite, a smaller ear, a smaller eye, skin tags, I also had a whole in my heart this they hoped it would heal it self. I also had surgery at 22 hours old because my esophagus went to my lung and not my stomach. I also have learning disables I cannot read or spell very good it is at a 2nd 3rd grade level.
At the age of 3 due to my parents drug use and failure to take me to the hospital when I got very sick more then 2 times. I ended up with a deadly Bactria in my blood stream that was eating away at my heart and I had to have open heart surgery. This I became thankful for later in live because I got to go to heart camp every summer for many years up the the age of 18. My life growing up was broad-line child abuse. I remember when I was 7-10ish, My dad was recovering from a baseball bat beating that almost took his life and caused massive brain damage to him. My mom had to take care of him and 3 girls. I had to wake up myself shower get dress make my breakfast eat and get to my bus stop by 7. However at 6:55 I had to wake up my mom so she could wake up my twin sister Caley and my younger sister Ashley pick out their clothes, make them breakfast and take them to school.
I was in special ed so I had to go to a different school that was "too far for my mom to drive and get me there on time," When I came home from school my sister were always done with their afternoon snack their homework done and where playing outside. Since I took the bus home It was always 1 after school ended. I would have to make my snack eat do my homework, wash all the dishes and then I could go outside and play while my mom went into the kitchen. Once we were called into the house for dinner. My father went back to work at the age 8-10 by the 6th grade we moved out of a gang infected area and moved into a very nice house that my parents rented with the help of the government. Here I still had to take care of my self, wake up, eat, go to school come home do homework, do my laundry dishes and other things that my sisters did not have to do, my mom had to take me to doctor appointments to do my jaw and needed jaw Surgery I also had many other surgeries by this time,
I could tell my mom was getting sick and tired of having to drive me to the doctors and fight insurance companies and other things, she used to tell me she hated all of this and I needed to hurry up and get my licence so I can do this myself. After 6th grade I was feeling depressed I did not know what it was at all. I hated Jr high so much I started trying to kill myself. No one in my family had any idea. I tried cutting myself but it caused more pain, I did not want more pain, I wanted peace. High School I started hating my mom, I did not understand how I had to walk to school while my mom took my sister and picked up all of her friends and drove them too school by now my twin sister and I were going to the same high school. On my way home walking home from school I watched my mom pass me by with a car full of kids she did not once ever pull over to pick me up. At 16 I moved in with a friend at his house I could not stand being at my house anymore, both of my sisters were into drugs as well as my parents and all of their friends.
I guess because I hated my mother and my twin sister I wanted nothing to do with them, I left the house and did not get into drugs. I dated a guy name Tony he ended up raping me at a school play ground after dark, he was a friend I had known over 8 years by then. I started dating my friend Jeff who I was living with after high school, his mother was more of a mother to me then my own mother. Because of Jeff mom I had clothes, lunch money and a job helping her. Jeff mom decided to get us a house on the bay she had lots of money, so Jeff and I moved their we got into drinking and he got into smoking pot this was bad, he started beating me, I couldn't go home when he started raping me, my mom told me she didn't care what was going on in my life and did not want to hear about it. Caley my twin sister got knocked up and her dog bit someone, I was called up to pay for the dog to get out of the pound I max out my credit card in doing so, my mom said she would pay me back she never did. In 2004 for my mom went to the hospital I was at the movies with Jeff and his friends, when we got out of the movies I found out that my mom was dying, we got to the hospital 10 minutes after I got to the hospital my mom died.
It took me a year to break up with jeff and move back into my dad house. My uncle bob who drinks from the time he was up to the time he passed out was living there along with other druggies, my sister gotten married and moved out my other sister was join gang dealing drugs selling her body. Jeff beg me to come back to him and would not stop coming to the house I moved into my sister house, I got a job working as a CNA with an in home care company and watching my nephew while my sister and her husband were at work, I started sleeping around with guys to fill pretty, wanted and loved. I met a Marine name Paul I we dated for 2 years and I knew he was seeing other girls, he disappeared for a year during that year. I had sex with like 4 different guys during this time. I started dating a guy name Ryan who was also a Marine, Paul and I got back into contact so I was dating both of the same time. Paul ended up moving back home with his mom in LA she still believe her son is a virgin and Ryan moved back home to MD, Ryan and I are still very good friends.
Due to my sister and her friends drug use, her friends fucking someone underage daughter, and my sister friends, robbing Vons, The Orange County Swat team came to our house and busted down doors broke widows and clothes doors. Needless to say we were kicked out of the house. My sister found us a place to live this time it was Caley, Dad, Kaleen and my little sister Ashley was in jail, Caley had her dog and her son. Caley never took care of her son william she was too busy getting high, fucking guys and sleeping when she was coming down off of speed. My dad and I took care of him. Once again druggies and crack heads ruled the house, one night a crack head broke into my room while I was sleeping, I got up to use the bathroom came back to find my sister friend of fucked up on drugs digging around in my room. Needless to say I am scared to sleep without a light now. After that I told my dad I had enough him and I moved to a very nice apartments however after a year of living here we now have my sister back, my dad "son" Andrew and a woman with the same name my mom has all getting high, our nice appointment's now smells like dog shit and piss with 3 dogs not 1. It looks like a crack house and I signed the least I cannot move out unless my dad finds someone to take over my rent or until the least is up.