A Bipolar Yesterday

Yesterday, Saturday, was supposed to be my date night with my husband since we never hang out or leave the desert military base. I got all Barbie'd up and was intent on going to Palm Springs for the night to enjoy fine-dining, mall walking, and maybe a romantic dessert somewhere to top the night off. Well, here's the reality of what happened:

I got ready like I stated above, we didn't leave until 6p after arguing about why I wanted to go to Palm Springs. We leave the house and begin driving through Joshua Tree (only 15 mins from base) and I hint to him that maybe once in awhile I'd like flowers. His reply was, "What you're doing isn't going to work. Hinting that you want them is just asking for it. So I'm not going to get you flowers." My feelings got hurt so I felt the need to snap back, "Sorry I forgot. Whether I ask or not I'll never get flowers from you."

We didn't speak for the next 35 minutes of the drive until he told me he had a headache and wanted food. He sounded so miserable to have to be around me. He has no idea how discouraging it feels to constantly be treated like an obligation. Husbands should want to spend time with their wives, they should want to do nice things for them. He only acted like he had a million better things to be doing than spending time with me. Not like I haven't experienced this since we we're dating. I should've known.

We stopped for a snack and while we were eating, which my appetite was gone from being upset, he asked why we didn't just go to a movie. I said fine. At this point I knew even if we went all the way to Palm Springs we would waste money on a night of irritation from him not wanting to be there anyway. We watched a movie, ate at a bad Japanese restaurant, and were home by 9pm. My mood was a little improved from no arguing, but ignoring the hurt doesn't make it go away.

When we got home and got comfy, he left and got me a milkshake before we watched the last few episodes of our favorite series on Netflix and went to bed. It was the first time in almost a year since he'd cuddled me. I loved the comfort of his arm around me while we slept. But nothing ever lasts, and I can't let the far and few moments of content keep me from doing what I know is right. As happy as a day can be, it does not change how miserable the entire year has been. And one mildly good night does not change a man into what I need to have a happy marriage.

-W