The Blowout

Today Neil and I actually cuddled until we both decided to wake up. We went downstairs, turned on the television to see what football game was playing today, and then decided to hit up McD's breakfast. The morning went okay from there. Not a lot of talking but some small talk that kept us smiling. His friend Walt decided to stop by at 1pm, a short notice given to me. Walt was there to watch the game. He was the advocater of my husband chewing tobacco in the first place. I always hold friends accountable for other's actions. Friends are a primary source of respected opinion. If you have just the wrong friends, you could be making very wrong choices. That's why your parents continually try to protect you from poor influences in school. It's not as if someone can put a gun in your hand and make you shoot it. But someone can put a gun in your hand and convince you that shooting it would not have a bad enough result to where you shouldn't shoot it.

Anyway, I've started picking up on cues when my husband is up to no good. One of which I caught today. He mentioned to Walt, "Let's go get our haircut." To which I would not go, and Walt and him would have a nice drive to put a dip in, shit talk, and return home without ever telling me that he was--up to no good. So I went upstairs upon hearing this cue and got dressed. I pulled my hair back and put on a little face powder. I knew I would have a little time since Walt had replied, "Yeah let's go after the game is over." After coming back to the livingroom put together for public appearances, Neil asked me, "You got dressed? Are you going somewhere?"

To which I happily replied, "Oh yeah! I figured I would drive you both to get your haircut. Maybe I'll grab an ice cream cone while I wait." His face immediately changed and he knew he'd been discovered. He then told me that I couldn't go. When I asked why he just said because I couldn't. So I said, "Do you not want me to go because you're up to no good?" To this point, he just nodded. I delighted in being right to assume and told him that I would go with. He denied me again. Now I knew that the reason he hid the tobacco from me was because he wasn't enough of a man to face the guilt of being repulsive in front if me. If it was so easy to lie and do it behind my back, he should be able to do it in front of me and risk ridicule. He is truly disgusting.

When the game was over I confronted him again about driving them, Walt retreated outside while Neil stayed to argue--even though he didn't want to. I repeatedly told him that he didn't care about my feelings, didn't listen to me or respect what I had to say. He told me to stop talking because it was getting me nowhere and he was pissed off. When I told him he didn't care what I felt, he said he did. So I challenged it with, "How often has my feelings or what I said changed the outcome of a situation?" No reply. If you were wondering the answer, it never does. No matter if I dislike what my husband does, he listens, and then does it anyway. Neil does what Neil wants. After a loud and very angry exchange of words my husband stormed out to leave with Walt, who was hiding in his jeep. My opinion, if you want to get between a marriage, be man enough to stay and listen to the argument you helped evoke.

When he left, I gathered my purse and went over to my sweet neighbor's house to vent and get a breath away from the house. I didn't want to go back, but after an hour I felt that I was imposing on my neighbor. I came back to the house found that both guys were sitting on the couch with dips in, to which my husband said he would never do around me. My guess was he was doing it in spite of me. I also discovered they stopped and got pizza. Out of stubbornness, I began making my own dinner. The guys chatted away without acknowledging that I had even come home. Another hour went by before Walt decided to leave. I waited 20 minutes upstairs before coming down to try to talk to my husband about our fight.

I walked downstairs, put my dishes in the sink, and made my way between the couch and the staircase. I made sure to stay calm because he doesn't react to yelling. This is the conversation we had:

"I thought you said you weren't going to do that at the house?" I began. To which I got no reply. "I think we should talk now."
He shook his head, No.
So of course I continued. "Do you want me to stay downstairs and talk to you or do you want to talk upstairs?" He shook his head.
"Okay, well we're going to talk about this." I sat down on the couch farthest from him and asked him to please take the dip out of his mouth. He shook his head no again. I know, I married the Master of the Silent game...I told him we needed to talk whether he wanted to talk now or later, it was going to happen. I asked him again to take the dip out of his lip and this time he laughed and told me not to talk to him because he was pissed off.
I calmly explained, "Okay. I understand you're pissed off but I'm pissed off too and we still need to talk. Tell me you're happy."
"I'm happy." He said emotionless. I told him to say it and mean it. "I'm happy." He said again in the same tone.
"You're not telling the truth. Listen I'm not happy. You're not happy. You may say that you care but right now I really need you to set aside your anger and talk to me like you care. I'm mad but I'm setting it aside to talk to you like an adult, and I expect you to be an adult as well." He said nothing. "Right now I'm trying to figure out why we're still together. So I need examples, reasons, all of it. Because I don't think we should be together anymore."
"I'm not talking to you right now. I'm watching tv." Was all the reply I got out of my husband.
I finished with, "Is the tv more important than your marriage? Okay well just know that I'm willing to talk to you about this right now. I can't guarantee that I'll want to talk to you about this later."

I went upstairs, and now I am ready for bed. The additional hour I've spent recalling the events and getting ready to go to sleep, my husband has not bothered to come upstairs to attempt finishing our discussion. Some fight he put up.

-W